Fighting tortoises

Something was systematically demolishing my humble little vegetable garden and, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what it was. Until the lovely Snapdragon came up with the answer: “It’s a tortoise – I saw him in the back yard.”

We don’t have many pests in our complex, apart from noisy teenagers with oversized jeans, but we are situated right next to a vlei. Every now and then, some critter ventures into our yards, so the idea wasn’t far-fetched.

Eventually I found him in a corner of the garden shortly after he devoured my cucumber seedlings right from the seedling tray.

He popped his bald head from his shell and I swear I saw a Zumaesque smile on his mug. And right there I was filled with endless empathy for poor Uncle Cyril’s valiant attempts to rebuild the Great South African Vegetable Garden.

Because we are both trying to repair the damage done during the plundering campaigns of our own tortoises.

Uncle Cyril, I realise your challenges are much bigger than my own. The South African economy is still slightly bigger than my vegetable garden – even in its current state.

But my situation gives me a better understanding of what you are trying to do. At least you have Tito to help you, while I only have the tortoise-fearing two-year-old Egg as a sidekick. You have to answer to the voters, but I have Snapdragon looking over my shoulder, and that’s almost worse.

And while you have the daunting task to negotiate with international financiers and investors, I must face the intimidating prospect of dealing with the cute, patronising girl at my local bank. (Whatever you do, Uncle Cyril, don’t copy my temper tantrum at the bank this week. It bagged me a shiny new, albeit still quite empty, bank card, but I doubt the people at Moody’s will entertain such behaviour.)

I don’t have to go to Europe to speak to very important people who don’t all understand the South African situation, but I have to hunt down heirloom seeds at my local garden centre.

So, in the end, you and I – and many of The Citizen’s readers – are all rebuilding in some way. We are all fighting the effects of our own tortoises.

May we succeed, sir, and at the end of this summer, may we harvest the wholesome goodness which we all deserve. Despite the tortoises.