X5M Competition

The R2 775 658 X5M Competition features the same hardware as the M8; a 4.4-litre V8 twin turbocharged powerplant mated to eight-speed Sports Automatic Transmission sending 460kW/750Nm to all four wheels.

While SUV actually stands for Sports Utility Vehicle, you’d be excused for confusing it with something along the lines of Stupid Ultrafast Versatile in the X5M Competition’s case.

Anything weighing 2 225kg reaching 100km/h from as standstill in 3.82sec is simply insane. Especially one that can be bought straight off a dealership floor without aftermarket “surgery”.

The test data shows that the X5M Competition relegated the previous fastest SUV that Mark has tested, the Mercedes-AMG GLC 63 S that clocked 3.99sec, to second place. It’s not quite comparing apples with apples as the X5M Competition competes with Merc’s GLE, but hey, a Stupid Ultrafast Versatile is a Stupid Ultrafast Versatile right?

A standout feature of the X5M Competition is that is doesn’t even look obtrusive from the outside. Besides the striking 22-inch star spoked light alloy wheels, a few M styling enhancements and the badging, it doesn’t stick out in everyday traffic. But that can be short-lived once the V8 starts clearing its throat while setting off at the traffic lights.

On the inside, it’s as plush as you can wish for in a car tasked with assisting in the daily routine. Our test model had the rearseat entertainment system which includes a Blu-Ray player, two separate high-res 10.2-screens and wireless headphones at a whopping cost of R38 200.

While mom and dad fight over the keys for the afternoon trip to the sports grounds, I think it might just be the soccer kids themselves who are the true beneficiaries of this ride. A happy garage is a perfect garage I guess.