Pain of the gifted horse

Afew years back, prior to Christmas, Himself’s mum – age 80-whatever – declared she “doesn’t want any more jewellery.” She was emphatic. “Huh,” said Himself, who has spent the years since he started to make decent money buying his mother genuine stuff of the sort she never had before: gold earrings and pendants and the like.

But I understood. It’s the pressure, you see, the pressure of being given something you might not love, despite loving the sentiment and the giver unreservedly, and then having to wear it so that no one feels hurt.

It’s the vase you must put on display; the worthy book you really didn’t want to read and now you must; the delicious monster you have to keep alive; the linen napkins that need ironing; the dragonfly earrings that make you look like a hippy; the gold-stemmed glasses that can’t go in the dishwasher.

It’s recipient angst, and it’s the real reason why it is better to give than to receive.

Unless it’s a diamond tennis bracelet.

Every year at about this time, my family starts asking what I want for Christmas.

Finally I think I’ve worked out the answer, because I, too, don’t really want more random stuff.

Unless it’s a diamond tennis bracelet.

It was on my birthday I had the epiphany. I call it choice limitation – a low stakes, high return request.

“I’d like a new wallet,” I told one son. “Small. Card holders facing inwards. A zip pocket for coins.”

I’d been looking for this perfect purse for months, but it eluded me. Now I was outsourcing the problem, with parameters. And he nailed it.

I tried it on a friend: “I’d like a new lipstick,” I said.

Risky, but she’s makeup-mad and I was in a lipstick rut. She chose a vivid coral-rose, I blended it with my current shade and instantly became fashion forward.

Then I’d been looking for a very specific chopping board: seamless, splendid wood. I dropped the hint, and was duly delighted.

As for books, I now name-drop titles.

I’ve also requested placemats for Christmas – we need new ones.

“Placemats? Really? For a gift?” my son says. Yes! Absolutely!

Unless there’s a diamond tennis bracelet ...