The art of mastering computers

There are still some of us around who popped out of last millennium’s time warp. Then only typewriters and ceiling-high machines spewing out molten lead to typeset newspapers were available.

So it’s understandable that we agonise over computers.

Like last week. Overnight I could only receive e-mails, not send. So I couldn’t send out Christmas and new year wishes.

Not to worry, with box under my arm I go off to Sakkie, resident newspaper computer nerd. After a quick look-see, he tells me what sounded like my TCP needs changing.

TCP? The strongest antiseptic around? But I keep mum, in case I get it wrong. He suggests I tell “Kom”, as only the server can fix it.

Oh no, not again. Last time I waited over forty minutes on the phone to get hold of flesh and blood. So, another session of listening to piped music adding new depth to my big bite.

I slink out of the office, thinking bad thoughts about nerds.

Back home I down a Cooney, make myself comfortable facing the monitor and dial the dreaded number. Two rings and the robot asks what I want. I nearly reply that I needed something stronger than TCP, but I push 2 as instructed. Now the long wait with the terrible tune.

Wrong.

Suddenly, while taking another swig, a melodious voice fills my left ear-hole. “Hello, I’m Pearl. How can I help you?” Cooney goes down the wrong hole and I choke in a paroxysm of coughing.

“Hello, are you okay? Can I help you?” Luckily, the barking stops and I’m able to respond.

I try the TCP thing on her. “Haha, very funny. Let’s have a look at your e-mail box. Go to tools, then accounts, then servers.”

To say I battle to find the tools and the rest, is putting it mildly. But Pearl, true to her name, waits patiently. I get there at last.

“There, see, your STP is wrong. Type in zero xyz.”

It kicks in. I thank her profusely and cheekily she replies: “So you don’t need TCP after all”.

I send out my cards. Just in time, because soon after the “send” again collapses.

Back to Sakkie. If he dares mention Telkom again, I’ll hit him over the head with a mother board.