Losing it? You are not alone
LOCKDOWN RAGE: IT’S A NORMAL RESPONSE TO ABNORMAL SITUATION Mothers need to look after themselves as well.
If you’re feeling angry at everything and everyone, to the point where you think you’re going to explode, be assured that it’s a normal response to an abnormal situation, says life coach and author Judy Klipin.
With everything that is going on, and stress levels at an all-time high, it stands to reason everyone’s emotions are amplified.
“What might have been a mild irritation before coronavirus, something you’d just shrug off, might now be the trigger for your underlying fury with everything going on, resulting in you yelling at everyone and tears all round.”
Why am I feeling so angry?
Other than general Covid-19 fatigue, says Klipin, there’s any number of reasons why you might be feeling angry, including resentment because you feel your partner or your kids aren’t pulling their weight.
“Perhaps your partner said he’d start dinner or bath your toddler while you finished up some work, and he hasn’t.
“He’s still lounging in front of the TV and your little one is running around the house without his nappy on.
“Or maybe you’ve made dinner, and now your little one is having a tantrum and refusing to eat until he has had ice cream.”
She says everyone needs some space right now.
And if that means taking just 20 to 30 minutes a day to collect yourself, figure out a plan, and if necessary, ask for help, then that is what you must do.
This could involve getting up earlier than the rest of the household to reflect and enjoy peace and quiet.
Or go for a walk or sit in the parking lot to listen to your favourite music or a podcast when you go out for groceries.
Lower your expectations
“Now’s not the time to be a perfectionist,” says Klipin.
“Everyone is frayed around the edges and we all need time to regroup.
“We need to lower the expectations we have of ourselves and others, including our children.”
When you feel like you’re losing it, take a step back and ask yourself these three questions: What am I feeling?
Try and identify the underlying emotion. Are you scared, frustrated, or just tired and hungry?
Why am I feeling like this?
Perhaps the reason you’re lashing out is because you haven’t had a chance to eat all day.
If you’re frustrated, it could be that you feel like you’re not being a good mom because you haven’t had a chance to bath or feed your child and it’s dark already.
Perhaps you are just feeling lonely or unappreciated and you need someone to hear you out. (The people you’d normally reach out to for support, for example, your mom, a good friend, or even a colleague, aren’t freely available owing to the lockdown restrictions.)
What am I going to do about it?
If the issue is with your partner, find a time where you can both sit down and talk calmly about your suppressed feelings and come up with realistic solutions under the circumstances.
Klipin adds that very often anger masks underlying fear.
None of us have chosen to be in the situation Covid-19 has put us in, and none of us know how it will pan out in the months ahead either.
“The trick is to learn how to consciously manage the emotion you’re feeling (like anger), and try identify an appropriate response that doesn’t escalate into a battle zone.”
It’s your responsibility to look a er yourself
She emphasises the importance of self-care during this stressful time.
“You can’t expect to look after your family if you’re not looking after yourself. “Make sure you get enough sleep, that you eat nutritious meals and make time to relax.
“It’s your responsibility, as a parent, to look after yourself.”
Perhaps your partner said he’d start dinner or bath your toddler while you finished up some work, and he hasn’t – he’s still lounging in front of the TV and your little one is running havoc around the house without his nappy on.
Judy Klipin
Life coach and author