Controlling parents may harm kids

STUDY: HIGHER FEAR OF FAILURE RESULTS, AFFECTING PERFORMANCE

Emerging adults need to feel independent but supported.

Parents adopt different parenting styles, but some are more detrimental than others.

In comparison to earlier decades, people in North America now study longer, start their careers later and establish committed relationships later.

These changes have given rise to a new developmental period that psychologists call “emerging adulthood”, that is, when adults are between the ages of 18 and 25.

Emerging adults feel like they have attained some aspects of adulthood, but are still exploring their identity. They are more responsible and independent than adolescents, yet sometimes remain financially and emotionally dependent on their parents.

As a result, emerging adulthood gives rise to new dynamics in child-parent relationships, which may be hard to navigate.

For example, some parents may find it difficult to grant their growing children increased autonomy and independence, and may instead actively or passively try to maintain some control over their children’s lives.

Our research has shown that parents who exert psychological control may impede the positive academic development of their children who are becoming adults. But parents can learn to establish a supportive relationship during

this developmental period. Parental psychological control

An influential form of parental controlling behaviour is what researchers refer to as “parental psychological control”. Parents who exert psychological control try to control how their child feels, or to impose their own views and standards on the child as a form of manipulation.

Although providing guidance on how to perceive the world is important for young children, in emerging adulthood, it instead infringes on children’s autonomy.

Psychological control may be exerted in different ways. Some parents may set high standards for the child, while others may avoid talking or looking at their child to convey disappointment. Other parents may bring up their child’s past mistakes as a form of criticism or to induce guilt.

Some parents do this with good intentions, yet the behaviours may still be detrimental. Research shows psychologically controlling parenting sets children on a poorer developmental trajectory from childhood to emerging adulthood.

Some research suggests parents’ psychological control may affect sons and daughters differently. In a recent study, it was found that emerging men and women who experience higher parental psychological control report higher fear of failure – the feeling of incompetence or of upsetting loved ones when failing.

These emerging adults experience adverse effects of fear of failure on their academic life.

The sample included 1 796 undergraduate students aged between 18 and 25 at the University of Ottawa.

Of the students, 42.1% still lived with their parents. Participants who lived with their parents reported as much psychological control as those who did not.

This is not surprising, given that psychological control can be exerted in person, via phone calls, text messages or e-mails.

The results showed that when emerging adults reported experiencing more psychological control from their parents, they had more fear of failure.

Emerging adults can internalise their parents’ psychological control. They can be then left with a negative sense of their competencies and a feeling of shame when failing to meet their parents’ standards.

The study found that fear of failure predicted worse academic achievement, lower satisfaction of academic achievement, lower goal progress and lower academic satisfaction, regardless of gender.

The study joins a number of others showing how over-involved parenting is detrimental. In emerging adulthood, it’s important that parents and children establish a new relationship dynamic that enables emerging adults to feel independent but supported.

– Republished from The Conversation.