A house is not my home

The lovely Snapdragon’s desire for a house has developed into an obsession. We have a home. When I got divorced a decade ago, I bought a little townhouse, perfectly adequate for what I expected to be a bachelor’s life. But one morning I woke up and saw Snapdragon’s shoes in my room. I saw her clothes in my closet. But the final straw was when I saw her toothbrush in the bathroom.

“Have you moved in?” I asked her.

“Yup,” she said.

“Good,” I said. And here I must mention that Snapdragon was neither snapping at me, nor was she a dragon at that stage. She was just a kind, beautiful woman who owned a considerable amount of possessions which I can only describe as “stuff” – “stuff” that was suddenly living in my humble little home.

That was almost nine years ago and she’s still here. In the meantime, we have added two dogs, a kitten and little Egg to the family. Which prompted her to bug me for a house.

A place with a garden for the children, a shed for the lawnmower and a spare bedroom.

“You want me to spend a small fortune every month for a house selected with your and the children’s desires in mind?” I inquired two weeks ago. “Yup,” she answered.

“Is there anything in it for me?” I asked.

“Yup,” she said again. “You can mow the lawn and … whatever men who live in houses do. It’s very healthy, you know.”

“I don’t want to mow the lawn,” I said.

“Be that as it may,” she said in her determined tone of voice. “Then I’ll just sleep in the spare bedroom. It seems you are completely out of touch with my need for an appropriate home to raise our children.”

Since then, I have gone with her to look at houses on three occasions. “No, not this one,” I said every time. “This one doesn’t quite meet our demands.” Which is code for “Heavens no! There are far too many zeros in the price.”

She still believes she’s getting a house with lots of zeros in the price. She’s completely out of touch with my need to eat occasionally.

We can stay where we are. Our humble little townhouse doesn’t have a spare bedroom – and I love it that way.