It’s 24/ 7, but it’s worth it
Single dads cherish the special bond they form with their kids
RAISING a child is a demanding job, but for single parents the challenges are even greater.
As South Africa celebrates Father’s Day tomorrow, most single dads in the Eastern Cape said having the support of family and friends was crucial as they do their best to juggle school appointments, cooking, health crises and jobs.
Mzukisi Rooiland, a financial adviser at Old Mutual, says raising his three-year-old daughter, Phila, has not been easy. His wife, Vuyokazi, and 11-year-old daughter Viwe died in a car accident in 2010.
“I work during the day and the nanny is there to look after her. Phila loves to go riding on her bicycle. We also go visit my mom in Zwide where she gets to play with other children. Some weekends we also visit her other gran [on her late mother’s side] in Alice,” Rooiland said.
Divorced Uitenhage dad Rian Lotriet, 37, has full custody of his nine-year-old son, Devan, who is in Grade 4.
Lotriet, a forklift technician, said it was hard to juggle fatherhood and working. “I work until 4.30pm every day and then I go pick him up at aftercare.
“It’s not easy because after that I have to make food and that sort of thing. The hardest part of it, I think, is not having his mom and any child wants to be accepted and have both his mom and dad there for him,” Lotriet said.
“We do all sorts of things together like playing ball, going fishing, going on holiday and all the little things. The best part is seeing the appreciation he has for me in his eyes and seeing him happy.”
Lotriet said whenever he needed advice he turned to his mother and stepfather who raised four children each.
Another widower from Parkside, Grant Blunden, has two daughters, Trinity, six, and Topaz, four.
He did not want to talk about how his wife died, in 2009, but said, “every day I wish she was there to share in the girls’ lives, especially when the milestones come around, like birthday parties, their first day at school and so on.
“The biggest challenge about being a single parent is time – you are on shift 24/7. I’m lucky to have great support from family, but it’s still my responsibility.” As a single parent, he said, “you are spread very thin . . . Things you used to do for your own enjoyment take a back seat as the kids come first.”
Reyno van Rooyen, a system administrator from Port Elizabeth, was a bachelor for six years before his son, nine-year-old Dalen, moved in with him. “My ex-wife and I agreed she could keep full custody over Dalen but that he would live with me,” Van Rooyen said.
About a month after Dalen moved in, Van Rooyen got the fright of his life when his son needed an emergency operation because his appendix was about to burst.
“It was a very scary time. But what a brave boy he was, with smiles all the way.”
Every day I wish she was there to share in the girls’ lives, especially when the milestones come around
Van Rooyen said although it was hard being a single parent, “it is all worth it when you hold your son in your arms and he hugs you as tight as he can. It’s the best feeling ever.”
When Van Rooyen works day shift, Dalen attends aftercare. He also relies on a colleague and her mother to help look after Dalen when he works nightshift.
In East London, single dad Dean Meyers, who was awarded custody of Skye, 8, five years ago, said being a single parent had fostered a strong bond between him and his daughter.
Meyers, who owns a construction and engineering company, said he loved the domestic routines shared with his daughter, like cooking dinner while she did her homework and reading her a story at bedtime.
“It’s awesome being a single dad because our bond is strong and we get to spend all our time together, so I take her grocery shopping and to the hairdresser. At weekends I take her surfing with me. I have a long board which we can ride at the same time, or she boogie boards while I paddle out. The lifeguards at Nahoon Beach and other surfers all keep an eye out for Skye.”
While he is adept at combing his daughter’s hair and shopping for clothes with her, Meyers said he sometimes relied on advice from other mothers. “It’s lovely being a dad among all the other moms. When it comes to the birds and the bees talk – I ask their advice.”