No one is immune to the savage violence of rape

WHEN news broke of an alleged male rape victim whom it was claimed had been assaulted by three women in the Bay earlier this week, a heated and intriguing debate flared up in our newsroom.

Colleagues of both genders found themselves (some reluctantly!) quickly roped into an open and honest discussion which, it was acknowledged by all of us, rarely takes place on the subject. We wondered why?

The question over whether or not the rape of a male can be compared to that of a female appeared to be the most prominent issue.

One point raised, which got a lot of attention, was that the alleged victim “must have been hot” for three women to have done what it was claimed they did.

But this prompted the retort – “can the same thing be said about female rape victims?”

An example was given about the story of a young woman who was raped because she was wearing a mini-skirt in public.

I remember a few years back working on a TV documentary for a current affairs programme. We went out to a taxi rank in Johannesburg to get the taxi drivers’ perspective on the same matter.

The result was disturbing, infuriating and disgusting. One taxi driver commented that if a woman wears a mini-skirt in public, then she is “asking for it”. What? Really? In this day and age that kind of thinking is abominable.

Our presenter at the time, a strikingly well-toned woman, candidly asked the unashamed taxi driver if he had the right to dictate what can be worn and by whom.

The taxi driver said “yes” and that it was an affront to him and his culture for a “woman to be advertising what they have” and not give it to him. So if this argument dictates that if a woman is wearing something revealing the rape is justified then, transversally, if a man is good-looking it is understandable a group of women would want to sexually assault him. I beg your pardon? But then a voice of reason in our hotbed debate: “rape is not about sexual attraction, it is about power”.

Dehumanising a person to gain more power, that is.

And then a second contentious aspect.

Seeking assistance and justice, the alleged male victim went to the police who, it was claimed, ridiculed him.

If this is true, does it not raise the possibility that the rape of males might be far more prevalent than we had imagined?

The problem with society is that we have become desensitised to these types of stories.

In a country where we are inundated with horror stories of women being raped by men, women being abused and beaten up by men, men being powerful beings and women vulnerable and easy to take advantage of, this issue does not elicit the kind of serious focus and debate it should.

Yes, we do live in a patriarchal society. But that does not mean men should not be afforded the same respect and dignity when reporting abuse, especially if that abuse is allegedly committed by the gender that is viewed in what is still largely a very sexist soci- ety as the fairer and – dare I say it – weaker sex.

In reality, male rape and abuse by girlfriends, wives and even mothers exists in our society. It just doesn’t get reported as often as it should.

In a report about the Kwazakhele rape victim in The Herald, Martin Pelders of the support group MatrixMan, which offers assistance and support to male survivors of sexual abuse, said most of these cases are not reported to the authorities because “men are embarrassed by this and a lot of the time they are ridiculed by the very people they report it to”.

The conclusion? Yes, men can be victims too. No one is immune to savage violence – and that is what the crime of rape indisputably is.