Black men at last own up to their own sexism
“SEXISM and racism are the same thing,” said Business Times editor Songezo Zibi at the Black Business Summit held at the ETC last week.
This was a refreshing perspective from a black man. He went on to say that society thought there was a social order in which black men were contributing to the sexism that black women experienced.
“How many times do you hear men say that a woman at the top echelons of power has slept her way to the top or that women are emotional when they are in leadership positions?” asked Zibi further.
It was hard for me not to shout: “Amen, preach brother.”
If I had to receive R100 for every time a man remarked that when a woman came out late from a meeting with a male it was as a perceived sexual meeting, I would be a millionaire.
This is the accusation thrown at wealthy women, professionally driven women and ambitious women who have the energy to burn the midnight oil and no problem meeting men or women after hours.
To paint a picture, I was recently caught in a similar situation. I met at a party an entertainer in an industry that I desire my company to make headway into.
We exchanged numbers to talk business the next day. Wanting to get the business going, I called the next day to schedule a meeting during the weekend as agreed, only to be called “babes”, “my lady” and “my darling” without my consent.
I already knew that I had to navigate an unwanted sexual dynamic. And this brother refused to toe the line, calling me such lovey-dovey names despite my request to be called by my name.
Rather than meeting me in the afternoon as we agreed, he wanted to meet me at his place to “discuss business” while asking me what it was that I drank – wine, sherry or brandy.
One can be forgiven for rolling one’s eyes at the suspicion that this could lead to unwanted behaviour. But I have met many women who have the ambition to risk their safety to achieve their career goals and meet men after hours where men end up wanting to mix business with sexual pleasure, this despite women wanting to keep it purely business-orientated.
Having been through this exhausting dynamic between men and women in business in my 20s, I met the fellow for business and cut to the chase before I entered the door. I simply asked this man directly: “Do you want to have sex with me or do business as I am interested in the latter and calling me ‘babes’ and ‘my darling’ is simply crossing the line.”
People, including women, will argue: why put yourself as a woman in a risky situation where you could be raped or sexually harassed, and not keep business during working hours in public view? In that question lies sexism and a double standard from both men and women who ask it.
Why can men have meetings after work with other men, even in their homes till the wee hours of the morning, and women with the opposite sex cannot be afforded the same freedom without being reduced to their body parts by men?
After getting the boundaries set, I was able to discuss business with the brother. But isn’t it sad, annoying and downright objectifying and minimalising of women’s skills and ambition to use business as bait to driven women, knowing very well that they might risk their very own safety to achieve their ambitions?
Men need to own up to the sexist ways they contribute to women, especially black women, still being at the bottom of the economic food chain rather than using nature, religion or culture to justify sexism.
This is why Zibi’s views are commended as black women in particular are usually expected to let go of sexist dynamics in favour of racial camaraderie.
Among other dialogues such as the tangible economic transformation needed in South Africa, the Black Business Summit pioneered the discussion in NMB on black men owning up to their own sexism with regard to black women. That is a good start.