Abused woman a daughter too

“I WOULDN’T want anyone to hurt my daughters,” kwaito king Arthur Mafokate says in the latest Drum magazine issue.

It is nauseating how men can treat their significant others in one way and are surprised when their own daughters are treated in the same manner.

To paint a picture, the king of kwaito, who sings songs degrading to women such as Sikelelikhekhe, has been accused of beating his muso girlfriend, Busisiwe Thwala, known as Cici. He denies it, of course. My mind plays tricks, but I have yet to meet a man who says, “You know I am an abuser and I beat her to a pulp”.

There is usually an excuse about how the woman – usually the woman – provoked this kind of violence inflicted on her.

Men usually blame some altercation that resulted in the violence.

“We had a fight, but I don’t know how she got the bruises” is usually the male narrative.

These dudes usually have conscious amnesia on how their fists on women’s faces lead to bruises on women’s bodies.

Mafokate himself, according to media reports, admits to an altercation with Cici, but denies that he was the cause of the bruises on Cici’s body.

Adding injury to Cici’s wounds, Mafokate was given bail of R500 after Cici laid a complaint of assault against him.

Anyone could be forgiven for thinking that the magistrate forgot to mention a couple of zeros in addition to the bail amount given to the hugely successful artist.

I have met Mafokate and he really is a nice guy who gave me a free CD at an ANC Women’s League event.

But that does not take away from the reality that he, like any other man, could be abusive.

And lest we forget, Cici is not the first person to accuse Mafokate of abuse. Abashante dancer Queen once accused Mafokate of being abusive. She was also not believed. Nice and successful as Mafokate is, the power dynamic indicative of all abusers is right before our eyes.

Mafokate gives these young women economic opportunity, which he can take at his will, under his recording label, 999.

These young women presumably show their skills by gyrating their body parts, leaving almost nothing to imagination – in the name of art and production while Mafokate is fully clothed.

I have never seen Mafokate’s chest in any of his performances, yet I have seen his female proteges’ thighs and near naked bodies.

Chomee, whose real name is Thulisile Madihlaba, is hardly known for her musical talents, if we are honest.

She is known for her provocative dance moves.

Ask her to sing a real note and Brenda Fassie would probably rise from the dead.

The power therefore remains with Mafokate himself which he can give and take at his will.

As Simone de Bouvoir wrote in The Second Sex, “very few men will use their economic and social power for women’s benefit”.

Yes, the law should, as Chomee suggested, take its course.

But some women should sit down when it comes to issues of domestic violence as they cannot be trusted.

Women who come to the defence of male abuse accused do a great disservice to the fight against gender violence as a whole.

What is not spoken is that just because a man was ostensibly good to you – as Chomee insinuates by saying that she can’t imagine Mafokate lifting a “finger on a woman” – does not mean he was never abusive to another woman.

And women like Chomee coming to the defence of a man like Mafokate does the abused women in South Africa great injustice and they betray the fight for women’s equality in the worst possible manner.

Back to Mafokate not wanting someone to hurt his daughters – how do you pimp young women in the name of art, disrespect women as a collective through songs and simply forget that the women who alleged that you abused them are actually some people’s daughters?

South African men need to get it through their egos that any woman you abuse, disrespect or dishonour is someone’s daughter whose parent is obviously hurt and dismayed when a male hurts her.

Failing which, women will start fighting back like Cici is doing and the #MenAreTrash cap will continue to fit perfectly.