Don’t forget about value of the basics

Two dear friends held funerals for their respective fathers shortly before the festive season. These bittersweet farewells were my close-to-homes, for we have all loved and lost.

Several years ago, after more than 90 years of a life welllived, my husband’s grandfather passed away. That day was also my son’s third birthday. The mystery of the circle of life had never seemed as real to me as it did then.

Death and birthdays are natural milestones which we either dread or celebrate.

Despite eons of evolution, humans have yet to become comfortable with the simplest fact of our existence: we are born to die.

Philosophers, theologists and scientists have tried to teach us the basics – and many attempt to soften the blow with promises of eternal happiness beyond the planet – but to me, the most relevant aspect of it all is that we don’t spend enough time celebrating and learning from experience.

We spend an inordinate amount of time holding onto youth once we hit our twenties, but precious little of it at the knees of the wise, who have already been there and done that.

Not for them the stressful buzz of technology or careful shopping for low-carb snacks at Woolies; when you’ve survived world wars, economic depressions and generations of corrupt governments, none of the fluffy stuff matters much.

I used to enjoy hearing stories about the “old days” when my gran was alive.

One of eight children, she was barely 16 when her father died following a railway injury. Hannah, her mom, managed somehow and put food on the table every night. Back then, you just got on with it.

My gran loved numbers and would have been an accountant had there been money to study. I’m not sure what my grandfather wanted to do when he turned 18, as he didn’t have much of a choice to consider it – World War 2 had started and boys were being shuffled off to fight.

When he came back with a bullet in his head, starting a family and his own business no doubt seemed the best course of action; being home and alive was worth more than four degrees and a holiday home in Plett back then.

As a generation of smart gogetters, we tend to forget about valuing the basics – family, food, friends and home.

Instead, we’ve created a fancy, aspirational success story around the simple things that comprise the jigsaw of life: decorating your lounge becomes interior design; parenting involves psychological tricks and tips rather than muddy knees and learning the hard way.

Oi, Gramps would have laughed at me had he been around for his great-grandson’s birthday party week.

I had wasted half-an-hour deciding between cheap fairy cupcakes and a gluten-free carrot cake for the toddler. And whether or not to use glittery gift bags or wrapping paper for his presents.

“Have your cake, eat it and wrap the presents in anything you want. It’s all stuff and nonsense, when you look at it from up here,” he would have said.