THE SUBRAMONEYS

THE Group Areas Act could not separate love despite forcing physical distance between Nadraj (60) and Thavarani Subramoney (58), who will this April celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary.

The pair who playfully met as children in Sydenham in the late 1960s were separated by the National Party’s segregation law which shunted Nadraj and his family to Chatsworth.

His then soon-to-be love interest, Thavarani, was moved across the city to Phoenix.

As fate had it, the couple would eventually meet again after time lapsed.

“When my family applied for a bigger house, we got a house in Phoenix as well after a couple of years,” said Nadraj.

In the early to mid-1980s, the pair’s love blossomed into more than friendship.

“I fell for her character and her beauty,” said Nadraj. Similarly, Thavarani fell in love with her husband for his integrity.

The duo’s courtship lasted roughly five years before they tied the knot in 1989, and they were joined in holy matrimony at the Bethshan Tabernacle on April 8.

“Our wedding was lovely. We spent time with all our relatives, friends and neighbours and it was surprising that I was getting married,” joked the pastor and father of three.

The partners said that all their significant dates such as birthdays and anniversaries were always sentimental and became an occasion worth remembering.

“She’s been so awesome to me. Every time was something special with her. Every occasion was highlighted,” the cleric said about his wife.

Filled with nostalgia, Thavarani, who is a teacher, said that when her husband was working full-time, he would often come home late in the evening and that his arrival was a good memory for her to reflect on, as she eagerly waited for him to return each day.

While there may be the educator’s memories to contend with, the pair said that they are happily married and that raising their three daughters whom they educated and supported was the ultimate highlight of their marriage.

“That was the priority in our lives – their higher education – what they wanted, we allowed them to do and now they’re established so we’re proud as well,” said Nadraj.

Now that all their children have completed their studies, the married couple has more time to spend with one another.

“There’s more time for us now because normally when the children are around you tend to give them a significant amount of time, with picking them up from school and attending their sporting events and things of that nature,” Thavarani said.

“Also, we’re so involved in the church, so now there’s more (time) towards the church as well. The time has allowed us to do more for the community as well,” the couple added.

The pair offers advice and assistance for other couples who want to “run the course” through their weekly marriage counselling sessions.

“I’m a commissioner of oaths, a marriage officer and a marriage counsellor in my pastoral capacity. We have lots to impart to others from our experience,” said Nadraj.

One of the biggest challenges that the pair has overcome was encountering financial difficulties during their children’s years of tertiary education.

“Everything became tight, it was a big challenge. We had to pull from here, pull some from that side... see what’s in there just to keep us going, and three girls had to go through university.

“Soon as one came out the next had to go, so it was a continuous thing that held us up a lot but now we’re okay, we just have to rebuild,” he said.

What has kept the couple going despite the challenges they have faced throughout the years is their love and respect for one another.

“We esteem one another higher than ourselves.

“That’s been our priority in our marriage and we respect one another’s views, it’s a point taken. There will be differences, everybody thinks differently at times but it’s not wrong, sometimes if you’re arguing, it’s not wrong. So that’s what people have got to understand – respecting one another’s viewpoints and don’t argue at every point,” he said.

The couple is constantly busy with church initiatives, such as running the church’s school programme and organising Sunday activities which include volleyball and cricket.

When they’re not at home attending to their flock, they are kilometres away, spending time with their family.

“My one daughter is in Cape Town, so we visited that place. It was a lovely outing,” said Nadraj.

The couple is staying strong despite life’s challenges and it’s because of one fundamental sentiment – love.

“Love binds us together and over the years you tend to become one. Also having God in your marriage is very important, we’ve come through the church as well so we have to be examples, we can’t just let anything buckle us,” said the pair.

The duo also said that having God in their marriage has helped them to forgive one another and openly admit their wrongdoings.

One top piece of advice that the couple gave was having patience in your marriage and aiming to not create any inadvertent division.

“If you have a complaint, complain directly to your in-laws rather than complaining to your side of the family because what happens is a clan builds up then people start saying ‘what kind of husband or what kind of wife is this?’ But if you complain to the in-laws directly, the problem is solved, there’s no clans that form,” said The Servants Tabernacle minister.

Having respect does not end with just regarding your spouse, but also respecting the institution of marriage, Nadraj said.

“You have to have reverence that marriage. If you do not revere that marriage then you’ll do anything in that marriage but if you revere it and know that God ordained it, then you won’t take it lightly.

“And if people can do that, if they can revere their marriage, then they’re up and away, the battle is won,” the cleric said.

Love binds us together and over the years you tend to become one Nadraj Subramoney