‘Mkhulus’ building family bonds
GILBERT Magwaza’s wife was not impressed with his bed-making skills and Bernard Ndlovu’s wife does not find his home-cooked meals that delicious – both these mkhulus (grandfathers) share a good laugh when relating these facts.
But it’s obvious they are serious about taking the lead in their communities to create a closer bond with their wives, children and grandchildren – and to teach the younger generation of husbands and fathers how to care properly for their wives and children.
This is also in an effort to break the scourge of violence against women and children in the province.
Both retired with their pensions used to take care of family (Magwaza had to take early retirement because of a stroke), these mkhulus have attended this year’s Parenting Skills and Children’s Rights courses, held by the Hillcrest Aids Charity Trust (HACT).
As respected men in their communities, both said this had changed their family dynamics for the better.
Ndlovu – who lives in Inchanga and has six children and 21 grandchildren – described the course as an “eye-opener”.
“We learned about how to care for your wife and how to plan what we do with the children, how to communicate with them and to do things together.
“I practise these things at home. When my wife’s working hard at home, I tell her to take a rest and I will help to prepare food and wash the dishes, although she says the meals I cook are not great,” he said.
Magwaza has two children and three grandchildren and lives in KwaNyuswa, Botha’s Hill. He said that culturally, it was not regarded as the man’s responsibility to care for the children.
“At the most, men would joke or talk about light matters with their children, but now I talk seriously to the children about what they can do and what they can’t do.
“I think we can lead the way, stand up and teach other men what we’ve learned regarding looking after your family. I also help my wife, but she doesn’t like the way I make the bed, so I’m not allowed to do that anymore,” said Magwaza.
While there’s a fair bit of laughter during the interview, about their housekeeping skills, both men said the biggest lesson they learned on the course was how to create a closer bond through open communication with their families.
KwaZulu-Natal has the country’s second-highest numbers of reported rapes, according to the crime statistics released by Police Minister Bheki Cele yesterday, down from top spot in November.
Magwaza and Ndlovu agree that action needs to be taken against the
scourge of violence against women and children in the province.
Both said alcohol played a significant role in the violence against women and children in their communities.
Magwaza said: “The younger fathers are busy drinking and they must learn that even if you are not on the same page as your wife, you must not hit her. I’m a leader in our church and I have been encouraging the younger fathers to come to church and that has also helped.”
Ndlovu said: “We are old and we are going to die soon, so it’s very important that we teach younger fathers how to look after their families. We have to try to talk to them and make change.”
With so many grandchildren, Ndlovu’s family formed a choir and he loves listening to the family sing.
“I also enjoy talking to them. We have to teach the boys about relationships and their responsibilities around sex, as well as diseases such as HIV. I also encourage them to continue with education because that is important for their future,” said Ndlovu.
HACT’s support group programme manager Phindile Mashiloane said while the parenting courses were aimed towards assisting the gogos (grandmothers) looking after vulnerable or orphaned children, it took an unexpected but welcome turn when the mkhulus from different communities expressed interest in also attending the courses about two years ago.
Mashiloane said that the six-week courses saw husbands and wives attending together and that the Mkhulus, who were often respected leaders in their various communities, had come forward to teach younger fathers about caring for their families.
The simple course deals with children’s rights and development and introduces different strategies for dealing with common parenting issues at home, such as discipline, communication and supporting young people through puberty and how to tackle sensitive subjects such as sexuality and relationships.
It also explores deeply held beliefs around patriarchy, harmful gender norms and stereotypes in an effort to address root causes of gender inequality and create male role models for future generations.
This year’s courses were being funded by HACT’s Dutch-based partner, Kerk in Actie.
Also supporting the organisation is the annual Kloof Round Table Golf day, which is this year being held at the Kloof Country Club on May 28.
For entries and enquiries for the Golf Day, email matt.hayes9852@ gmail.com.