Gripe sheets

PILOTS fill in a form called a “gripe sheet” which tells aircraft mechanics about problems. The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs. The pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (P) and the solutions recorded (S).

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight okay, except autoland very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you’re right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.