The Moquini story

N SEPTEMBER 2005 when the yacht Moquini disappeared off the southern tip of Madagascar, six Durban families began a journey of loss, bereavement and unspeakable pain with which few, except those involved, could truly empathise.

Now Karen Tocknell, widow of one of the lost crew, Neil Tocknell, is about to release her story, which she says, is written for her children. “That is the reason I self-published

I didn’t want anyone telling me what to say and how to say it. This book is very much a part of me. It’s not about closure, it’s about embracing what happened and what it has made me. I am wiser, stronger and more gentle. I am not afraid to be vulnerable.”

Tocknell says the days after the Moquini, a “state-of-the-art” Fast 42 yacht, was reported missing during the Mauritius to Durban Ocean Yacht Race, are a blur.

“Huge gaps exist in my memory… I have had to trace the details of events from the newspaper articles and personal reports from family and friends to piece together the days that turned into months and now years. The horror… drove all conscious experience deeper and deeper into the unconscious recesses of our minds. But it was important that I write the book, especially so that my children can know what happened to their dad and that everything was done to try to find him.”

She says her story is also about the growth of her faith and her desire to help others who might suffer the same loss as she has. “The power of God’s spirit at work has amazed me… Of course my faith took a huge battering. I had tremendous faith the crew would be found. How can you reconcile a loving God with a God who doesn’t answer your prayers? Now I realise that while He hadn’t answered my prayers He was very much in the tragedy. He never deserted me.

“I needed to [record] what we experienced… I wanted to try to understand why grief happens and to arrive at the conclusion that you can either use it to grow or to become bitter and sad.”