The Flying Dutchman
ONE takes solace where one can these days watching the Premiership League in England, where it really doesn’t matter who wins or loses and it’s excellent, no-nonsense rugby. It is soothing on the nerves after watching the Sharks again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Watching Leicester against Northampton, there was a most extraordinary passage of play. Leicester were pressing hard with a five-metre scrum just to one side of the posts. They were going for a push-over.
One gets distracted by damsels and philosophers at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties. When I looked at the screen again, they were doing a kykweer (replay) of that push-over attempt. But no, it wasn’t a kykweer. This was another live scrum on the same spot, another attempted push-over. Again the ref blew and called them back to the same spot for another put-in.
This was uncanny. It seemed to go on for ever, the same scrum on the same spot. One thought of the Flying Dutchman, condemned for eternity to be attempting to round the Cape. The camera panned on to the boxes of both sides’ officials. Both lots looked on with slack-jawed astonishment.
Another put-in on the same spot. The ref blew shrilly. He didn’t like what one of the Northhampton front-row forwards was doing. He gave him a yellow card. A penalty, just to one side of the poles. A sitter.
What did Leicester do? They opted for a scrum. On that same spot. The scrumhalf put in. Leicester heaved for a push-over. Something messy happened. The ref wasn’t satisfied and ordered another scrum. On that same spot. On and on it went. The legend of the Flying Dutchman was being played out before our eyes. The crowd was getting restive.
Then another shrill whistle. The ref gave a second Northampton player a yellow card. This put Leicester in a bit of a quandary. Northampton had no more frontrow specialists on the field. It would have to be “Golden Oldies” scrums from now, where you’re not allowed to push. No chance at all of that push-over try.
So with what seemed reluctance, Leicester lined up for a kick at goal. One watched with trepidation. Would this go astray, to continue the Punch and Judy drama? But no, it sailed over and Leicester eventually ran out winners, 22-14.
Some say rugby is a game of Two young sloth bears play in the zoo in Leipzig,Germany. In the last year, 912 animals have been born at the zoo. barbarism. I say it’s a game of nuance and intrigue.
Spy boss
SOUTH Africa is looking for a spy boss, equivalent of the fictional “M” in Britain, according to the latest grumpy newsletter of investment analyst Dr James Greener.
“Deep in the list of civil servants there is a post which at first sounds like the easiest job in the world. Parliament is advertising for someone to fill the vacancy of Inspector-General of Intelligence.
“In fact it is a re-advertisement, because obviously no one has yet applied, believing this to be a joke. Closer reading, however, reveals that the successful candidate will not spend his/her days searching the corridors of power for signs of sentient life.
Rather, he or she will be the South African equivalent of ‘M’ the fictional British spy boss.”
Greener also notes “another big upward leap in the level of socialist stupidity and obstinacy”.
“This week a full-colour four-page pamphlet has been published by the Department of Labour. In poorly written and seemingly unedited bureaucratic jargon it boasts about the department’s achievements in hampering any employer who might be so bold as to create and offer a job. It lists the numerous acts, boards, institutes and commissions that have been created to regulate, advise and punish. It is a very disturbing document.”
Sold
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties:
“I was in this job interview. The sales manager handed me his laptop and said: ‘Now sell this to me.’
“I picked it up and walked out the door. I was walking down the street with it.
“My cellphone rang. He said: ‘Bring that damn thing back – right now!’
“I said: ‘Two hundred bucks and it’s yours.’”
Tailpiece
PADDY and Mick are staggering home along the railway track after a night in the pub.
Paddy: “Dis is an awfully long staircase.”
Mick: “Yeah, and de handrail is so low.”
Last word THE only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. – Eugene McCarthy