The Oobah bird
WHAT exactly are we to make of Sports Minister Fikile Mbalula’s announcement that he has suspended the privileges of SA Rugby, Cricket South Africa and Athletics SA and netball from bidding for international tournaments due to lack of transformation?
Does he have the legal means to do this? What exactly does he mean anyway?
To focus on just one code. The Sharks play Waikato Chiefs in New Zealand today. Over the weekend the Queensland Reds play the Free State Cheetahs in Bloemfontein. The Lions play the Wellington Hurricanes at Ellis Park. The Stormers play the New South Wales Waratahs at Newlands. And the Eastern Province Kings play the Jaguares in Argentina.
This all sounds rather international and major. Yet nothing has been cancelled. Nor has Ireland’s three-Test tour in June, nor the Southern Hemisphere Rugby Championship in August. mercidler@inl.co.za
Does Mbalula plan to halt such competitions next year, perhaps? Or does he only mean that the sports bodies are barred from bidding to host World Cup competitions?
Or is it all a lot of hot air in an election year?
The hot air theory seems most plausible. But those of us who recall the D’Oliveira affair, and the years of isolation that followed, feel trepidation. Overseas sports bodies resent and recoil from political interference. Sponsors and the TV networks lose interest in sides that do not match their competitors. An awful lot can go wrong.
In fact, one is reminded of the Oobah bird of the well-known rugby song – the bird that flies around in ever-diminishing circles until it disappears up its own fundamental orifice.
The circles are getting tighter.
Ging
THE other day we wondered about the origin of the name Gingindlovu (in Zululand), which literally means “Swallow the elephant”.
To our rescue comes military historian Peter Quantrill.
“The name follows the battle of Ndondakusuka, in 1879, between Cetshwayo and his brother Mbuyazi. The latter had a tuft of hair growth on the back of his neck, and was nicknamed, ‘Ndlovu’ or ‘Elephant’.
“On his victory, Cetshwayo created a homestead close to the battlefield which he named Gingindlovu or ‘He who swallowed the Elephant.’
“The British who had difficulty pronouncing the name, called it ‘Gin Gin I Love You.’” Cheers! Ging is the thing!
Archaeology
ARCHAEOLOGY news from Ireland. After having dug to a depth of 10m last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion their ancestors already had a telephone network more than a century ago.
Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed English scientists dug to a depth of 20m, and found traces of 200-year-old copper wire. They concluded that their ancestors had an advanced hi-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the Scots.
A week later The Kerryman, an Irish newspaper in the south-west, reported: “After digging as deep as 30m in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O’Droll, a self-taught archaeologist, found absolutely nothing. Paddy concludes that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.”
Boaty
SUCH embarrassment. Britain’s Natural Environment Research Council has splashed out £200 million (R4.4 billion) on a new polar research vessel.
But what to name it? They ran a competition on the internet for the public to vote on various suggestions.
All kinds of suggestions to commemorate science and scientists came in. But one fellow sent in the spoof suggestion of Boaty McBoatface.
Boaty McBoatface has romped home as the winner. People are now making jokes about it like “Shippy McShipface”.
Science Minister Jo Johnson now says he’ll decide. The name has to be something that “captures the spirit of scientific endeavour”.
Yes, the internet can be a boomerang.
Tailpiece
THE pastor asks if there is anyone who wants to give thanks for answered prayers.
A woman walks to the podium and says: “I’m Sue Smith. My husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed.” Men in the congregation wince. “He was in terrible pain. The doctors thought there was nothing they could do for him. But eventually they managed to operate and got the scrotum held together again with bits of wire. He is on the mend. We are so thankful.” Men keep on wincing. “Anyone else?” A man gets up and walks painfully to the podium. “I’m Phil. I just want to tell my wife the word is ‘sternum’.”
Last word
THE superfluous, a very necessary thing. – Voltaire