THE BEAUTY OF BEING AN ‘OKAY’ PARENT, AND 5 WAYS TO GET THERE
LET’S be honest, parenting in the 21st century is daunting. Parents constantly feel like they should be doing more.
I grew up the second of four kids, my parents a pastor and a teacher. We had a house full of books and music, a big garden, church on Sundays and room to roam. My parents instilled simple values I’ll always be grateful for and which I strive to emulate as a parent. As a new mother, I wanted to escape the suffocating pressure to produce a privileged champion specimen.
I’m a recovering Type-A perfectionist. As a kid, I was always the best at everything I did. I was anxious about having children because I knew I was at risk of pressuring myself to have perfect little high-achievers. I didn’t want to raise the kind of child who felt like he had to be the best at everything, or start prepping him for college in primary school.
One of my greatest accomplishments as an adult has been letting myself be okay with being average. I see no need for overpriced tutors or hardcore chess tournaments.
After my son was born three years ago, I looked back at my own childhood and identified several key themes I wanted to replicate. If I devote a few minutes a day to each of these five activities, over time their collective influence will nurture a childhood that embodies the most grounded, meaningful things in life.
We do this at the library, on park benches, in bed before naps, at restaurants waiting for our food and in the back seat of the car. Reading is a part of our life, and it always will be. Sure, it’s often exhausting and at the end of a long day, it would be easier to turn on the TV. But I know this investment of time and energy will pay off when he looks forward to snuggling up with a book on his own.
Kim John Payne’s book Simplicity Parenting emphasises the importance of building family rituals into the week. Make pancakes together every Sunday morning. Set and clear the table together. Make a point to eat dinner together at the table. FaceTime with cousins and grandparents who are far away. Do what you can with what you have. I know there may come a time when my son is a sullen teenager who doesn’t light up when we walk in the room. Here and now, though, we are laying a foundation for a sense of connection that will hopefully weather any storms of the teenage years.
The arts are not a luxury. They’re essential to well-being. My mother surrounded us with music as kids: at church, at home, at school. Studies show that music makes kids smarter. My husband and I expose our son to music as often as possible, playing jazz in the car, or reggae as we’re making dinner. I sing with my little guy frequently, take him to weekly parent-child music classes and talk about specific instruments.
Make a point to get out of the house. There’s always a park, a hiking trail or a neighbourhood stroll with opportunities to explore and discover, to value fresh air and quiet, and to take in all the marvels of the natural world. It can be as simple as walking two blocks up the street to say hello to the goats and chickens who live in the neighbour’s back yard and collecting leaves, berries and weeds on the way home.
You can fill-in-the-divinityblank here, using whatever word feels good to you. We say a blessing before every meal. We want our son to understand how his life fits into the greater universal picture and to search for meaning. Talking about God, and thanking God for our daily food and our warm home, feels like a great, simple way to start.
It’s not always easy to make time for these things. Some days are a struggle and I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing much. But if you think to yourself now and then “Books, family, music, nature, God,” your days will take on a sweet, simple structure of their own. – The Washington Post