Entertainers of yesteryear
HOW’S this for a blast from the past? Recently we carried the full spoof version of the Irish ballad, Galway Bay – centred on the balladeer’s relationship with his Guinness-drinking mother-in-law.
Now Randall Munro, of Trafalgar, reminds us that this version of the song was put on the map locally by Bill Williams, that wonderful pianist and entertainer – and master of double entendre – who used to play at the Hansom Cab at The Edward in days gone by.
Randall mentions Williams’s successor at the Hansom Cab, Peter Maxwell – also a brilliant pianist and an entertainer of coruscating wit.
Both were from England. Williams learned his act as a POW of the Japanese in World War II when, in those terrible conditions, he would keep spirits up with evening sing-songs in the camp.
He was hilariously bawdy but could also tug at the heartstrings. Salvation Army trumpets are playing in the square, There’s scandal in the papers and there’s Handel on the air… That one – Sunday in London – was from the POW camp. You got a lump in the throat just listening to it. Then: She’s got the cutest balalaika in the Balkans, Its possibilities are quite unique, It’s not so much its size, Though that’s quite a big surprise, But there’s something quite distinctly Middle East about its shape… A balalaika is, of course, a stringed instrument.
I once took a girl to a Bill Williams performance. She was a very bright, switched-on varsity student.
“What have you brought me to?” she asked indignantly as the portly, middle-aged, walrus-mustached Bill Williams came on stage and made a formal bow.
Ten minutes later she was crying with helpless laughter.
Yes, a maestro on the piano and unbelievably funny with his lyrics.
Maxwell, who followed him, was equally good on the piano and possessed of a brittle and subtle humour reminiscent of Noel Coward. He also had a services background – he was in the RAF.
I got to know Maxwell personally and once went on a memorable jaunt with him and another fellow to the southern districts of KZN to have a look at tourism developments there. The only thing missing was the piano.
Cheer ’em up
THE town of Wallingford, somewhere in the US, seems to have a policy of cheering up its inhabitants with a joke or two. A collection comes this way of a series of illuminated road signs from Wallingford, each appearing in the same spot:
Frog parking only – all others will be toad.
Ants are healthy because they have little anti-bodies.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not for sale?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Went to the air and space museum but there was nothing there.
Hold the door open for a clown. It’s a nice jester.
The second mouse gets the cheese. My reality check bounced. I child-proofed my house but the kids still get in.
Yes, those are much better than the jokes our local authorities bombard us with – not by road sign but in council minutes.
Guinea pig
A WOMAN in rural Kansas, in the US, was surprised to open her postbox and find a live guinea pig inside.
The tan and white guinea pig was neither stamped nor franked. She took it to the Lyon County sheriff ’s office, and it’s now been placed at an animal shelter, according to Huffington Post.
The sheriff is no doubt puzzling as to who is flouting postal regulations by mailing guinea pigs without a stamp.
Just as well that unnamed woman didn’t try to pick it up by the tail. As we all know, when you pick up a guinea pig by the tail, that’s when its eyes fall out.
Tailpiece
SHE’S a new schoolteacher and is eager to connect with the kids. After school they’re playing football. One little boy is looking on from a distance, all alone. She approaches him.
“Hello. Can I be your friend?”
“All right,” he says guardedly.
“Why are you standing here all alone?”
“’Cos I’m the goalie.”
Last word
WHAT after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean. – Christopher Fry