This is better than ‘Isidingo’
THIS Washington soapie is twisting and turning like a ride in the fairground. Hardly has President Donald Trump fired the director of the FBI and welcomed the Russian foreign minister, when he’s accused of blabbing classified information to him (and to the Russian ambassador who is widely reputed to be a master of espionage).
According to the Washington Post and the New York Times, the highly sensitive information could have been conveyed by Trump bragging to the Russians about American intelligence accomplishments.
But where did the Washington Post and the New York Times get their information? Whatever the conspiracy theorists might believe, these papers don’t pluck things out of fresh air. It must have come from the intelligence community – who weren’t there in the Oval Office.
Does this mean the FBI is bugging the White House? The mind, señor, she boggles!
Don’t miss the next fascinating episode.
Der schnapper
A REPORT from Soweto quotes a police officer with the somewhat intimidating name of Captain Hitler Ngwenya.
“Ngwenya”, of course, means crocodile.
You don’t mess with this cop.
Hotspots?
A READER calling himself “NDC” says the provincial disaster teams have been looking in the wrong places in recent days.
Co-operative governance spokesman Lennox Mabaso is quoted saying they are “on high alert monitoring hotspots that could be affected by the weather.
“They should rather be focusing on the cold spots – that’s where the problems will occur.”
Pancakes
A SHEILA named Sheila says items listed of lexophilia remind her of her teaching days in Zululand.
“Being a fresh-faced enthusiastic first year teacher, I was mindful of our lecturers’ advice to ask questions, instead of just standing there talking too much.
“So we’re doing Synonyms and Antonyms:
“’Who can tell me what a synonym is?’
“Deathly silence while they contemplated this challenging three-syllable word ...
“Eventually a very tentative voice from the back of the class: ‘Isn’t it a kind of bioscope?’
“Before I could reply, a youngster sitting in the front row swung round and said scathingly: ‘Don’t be stupid, man, it’s the stuff you put on pancakes!’”
Tailpiece
AN ELDERLY man on a moped, pulls up at a traffic light beside a fellow in a flash Ferrari.
The old chap looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks: “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”.
The fellow replies: “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars.”
“That’s a lot of money. Why does it cost so much?”
“Because it can do up to 320 kilometres an hour.”
“Mind if I take a look inside?” “No problem.” So the old guy pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his moped, he says: “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped.”
Just then the light changes. The Ferrari fellow decides to show the old guy just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160km/h.
Then he notices a dot in his rear-view mirror. It seems to be getting closer. He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly – who-o-o-o-osh!” – something whips by, going much faster.
“What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250km/h.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees it’s the old man on the moped. Amazed, he gives the Ferrari more petrol and passes the moped at 275km/h.
Then he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.
Astounded, he floors the pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320km/h. Not 10 seconds later, he sees the moped catching him again. The Ferrari is flat-out and there’s nothing more he can do.
Then – splat! – the moped smacks into the back of his Ferrari.
He stops and jumps out. The old guy is badly smashed up but still alive and breathing. “I’ll call a doctor!” The old guy whispers: “No doctor! Just unhook my braces from your side mirror!”
Last word
Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know. –
Marvin Minsky