Monkeying about in court
THE CASE of the macaque monkey and the selfie has at last been settled, two years after we first discussed it in this column.
It began when wildlife photographer David Slater was in the jungles of Indonesia. A macaque got in front of his camera which he’d set up, pressed the button and took a selfie.
This turned out rather striking and the image did the rounds internationally.
Then an American organisation called Peta – People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals – took up the case, demanding that the macaque be paid for any revenues earned by the photograph.
It was, after all, the macaque’s artistic work.
Slater, who lives in Wales, at first shrugged the thing off as absurd but Peta persisted, eventually taking him to court in San Francisco.
Naruto versus Slater – it was a test case. Naruto was the name of the female macaque involved, Peta said, but Slater contested even that. The macaque in the selfie was a different one, he insisted, a male.
But no matter, the hearing went ahead.
“This groundbreaking case sparked a massive international discussion about the need to extend fundamental rights to animals for their own sake, not in relation to how they can be exploited by humans,” said Peta lawyer Jeff Kerr.
But the judges ruled otherwise. A monkey could not claim copyright, they said. All the same, Slater – who describes himself as a conservationist – has agreed to pay 25% of any earnings from the photograph to registered charities dedicated to protecting the macaques’ habitat.
It’s as well it’s been settled this way. The courts in this country could otherwise have been flooded with cases brought by Peta involving modelling fees for lions, leopards, elephant, buffalo, wildebeest and baboons in our game parks. The giraffes are especially litigious.
Non-British crowing
MORE litigation, this time in England. Neil Dymond, of Marchwood, Hampshire, has been served with a restraining order against playing loud music, hurling abuse at his neighbours, Helen Richardson and Paula Holland, and threatening to decapitate their cockerels.
Dymond responds that the music is in response to the continual crowing of their “non-British” cockerels.
“Those cockerels go off as much as 60 to 70 times an hour. This is not a British bird, these are birds going all the time.
“When they started crowing they do not just crow once, they crow, crow, crow!”
“It’s the type of chickens – these aren’t ordinary little reds, these are colourful, these are Rhode Island reds, these are Plymouth Rocks, these are American reds.
“If these had been British cockerels and going off only at dawn and dusk we wouldn’t be here.”
Dymond was cleared of harassment but was told by magistrates his behaviour had been “childish, immature and petulant”. He is not allowed to contact Richardson and Holland for two years.
I just hope those gals don’t crow. It’ll start all over again.
Immutable laws
SOME immutable laws of nature and physics come this way:
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll need to widdle.
Law of Gravity: Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you left will move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Appearance: If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
Tailpiece
A STREAKER runs through a golf club, holding a towel over his face.
“That’s not my husband,” says a lady member.
“No it’s not,” says another lady member.
“He’s not even a member,” says a third.
Last word
THE NICE thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it’s their fault. – Henry Kissinger