Just watch those ambodexters
IT’S merry-go-sorry as we think of the Sharks and the Boks. Swerk in fact. And in day-to-day life we are betrumped. Too many ambodexters about, too many coney-catchers, hugger-muggers, nickums and roukers.
Also too many losengers. Too many perchers as that December political conference approaches.
That deputy minister still peacockises in fine style with man-millinery, even at his court appearances. But we’re not sillytonians. We hugge. The future is tremblable.
It’s enough to drive one to the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties in quest of snout-fair and maybe getting a bit rouzy-bouzy.
If anyone calls me the Slug-a-bed, I’ll sue!
Language experts at the University of York in England have trawled through ancient texts to discover words that have dropped out of use but could have relevance and impact today. Here is the list: Ambodexter – One who takes bribes from both sides.
Betrump – To deceive, cheat, elude, slip from.
Coney-catch – To swindle, cheat, trick, dupe, deceive.
Hugger-mugger – Concealment, secrecy.
Nickum – A cheating or dishonest person.
Quacksalver – A person who dishonestly claims knowledge of or skill in medicine; a pedlar of false cures.
Rouker – A person who whispers or murmurs; one who spreads tales or rumours.
Man-millinery – Suggestive of male vanity or pomposity.
Parget – To daub or plaster (the face or body) with powder or paint.
Snout-fair – Having a fair countenance; fair-faced, comely, handsome.
Slug-a-bed – One who lies long in bed through laziness.
Losenger – A false flatterer, a lying rascal, a deceiver.
Momist – A person who habitually finds fault; a harsh critic.
Peacockise – To behave like a peacock, to pose or strut ostentatiously.
Percher – A person who aspires to a higher rank or status; an ambitious or self-assertive person.
Rouzy-bouzy – Boisterously drunk.
Ruff – To swagger, bluster, domineer. To ruff it out or to brag or boast of a thing.
Sillytonian – A silly or gullible person, one considered as belonging to a notional sect of such people.
Wlonk – Proud, haughty, rich, splendid, fine, magnificent.
Fumish – Inclined to fume, hot-tempered, irascible, passionate.
Awhape – To amaze, stupefy with fear, confound utterly.
Hugge – To shudder, shrink, shiver, or shake with fear or with cold.
Merry-go-sorry – A mixture of joy and sorrow.
Stomaching – Full of malignity, given to cherish anger or resentment.
Swerk – To be or become dark, gloomy, troubled or sad.
Teen – To vex, irritate, annoy, anger, enrage, to inflict suffering upon.
Tremblable – Causing dread or horror.
Wasteheart – Used to express grief, pity, regret, disappointment or concern.
Dowsabel – Applied generically to a sweetheart, “lady-love”.
Ear-rent – The figurative cost to a person of listening to trivial or incessant talk.
Yes, all of it strikes a modern-day chord. It’s all about us. Too much detrumping. Stand by for a White House tweet.
Monkeybiz
CLIMB as high as you like but you can’t get away from vervet monkeys. Alarming information comes this way of their stealing fruit from a dining room table on the 15th floor of a high-rise block on North Ridge Road.
One might have thought that these altitudes would be beyond the range of these little blighters, bred as they are for our coastal forests.
But no – it turns out they have learnt how to operate the lifts.
Whatever next? Residents of these blocks in proximity to Burman Bush are advised to make sure their car keys are not left in the ignition.
The cops already have enough trouble with illegal drag racing.
Useful trick
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener points out in his latest grumpy newsletter that over the past 12 months the National Treasury has distributed R1.17 for every R1 it collected.
“Many of us would be uneasy about our personal affairs accruing debt at this sort of rate, but the custodians of the state finances are more relaxed mainly because they have the Reserve Bank on speed dial.”
This institution has the power to change IOUs into money, “which is a very useful trick that hides behind many different names, including the ludicrous ‘quantitative easing’.”
Tailpiece
HE’S in a bookstore. He asks the woman behind the counter: “Do you keep stationery?”
“No, usually I wriggle a bit.”
Last word
COCKROACHES and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. – Herb Caen