Bomb scare in Mbombela
BOMBS in Mbombela… the ANC’s Mathews Phosa, who is running for the party presidency, called in the police after a series of telephone calls threatening to bomb his attorney practice offices in the Mpumalanga capital.
Nothing happened, but Phosa wants the culprits tracked down and prosecuted.
By a strange quirk, the police officer in charge of investigating the bomb threat is a Colonel Bhembe.
It brings to mind Inspector Clousseau, played by Peter Sellers. “Eet ees a bermb-e.: “You mean a bomb” (From another French detective who speaks perfect English). “Ouis. Eet ees a bermb-e.” If Colonel Bhembe has difficulty finding the Mbombela bermbers, he can always call on Inspector Clousseau for assistance. He’s solved many a case in Nelspruit.
Ee ba goom!
YESTERDAY we discussed the way the name of Brian Parkes, a senior colleague of yesteryear, cropped up by chance in a sister newspaper’s retrospective on the news of more than 50 years ago.
Brian, an ethnic
Yorkshireman, had been night editor of The Mercury and was a newspaper design specialist. He later transferred to the Sunday Tribune, and a more recently retired former senior colleague, Clyde Bawden, recalls a conversation in the printing works between Parkes and a compositor, during the days of hot metal production.
“Are you going to Rock Bay tomorrow, Bobby?” “Where’s Rock Bay?” “Kings Park.” That’s Yorkshire dialect. That’s ‘ow tha says “rugby”.
Eeyoop! Nowt so queer as folk!
Idi Amin interviewed
YESTERDAY I also said I’d tell you about how Brian Parkes interviewed Idi Amin, the Ugandan dictator. Though a production and design man, he never lost his sense of news.
He was in a cinema watching a film, Idi Amin Dada, in which a French documentary maker interviewed Amin and filmed him in a variety of settings, including a swimming race against his staff which, surprisingly, he won after halfdrowning them.
At one point Amin – who was a truly brutal so-and so, responsible for the murder of thousands of his countrymen – proclaimed that he was totally approachable to anyone with a problem.
“They just need to phone me at…” and he rattled off a telephone number in Entebbe.
Parkes took out his cigarette box and scribbled it down. Next day he booked a trunk call from the Tribune switchboard (it was long before the days of digital connections).
Amin came on the line. In a heavily accented, booming voice – presumably a Swahili accent – he wanted to know where Brian was phoning from.
In a heavy Yorkshire brogue, Brian replied: “Durban, Natal.”
“Natal? Natal?” Amin boomed. “Yes, Natal.” “Where’s this Natal?” “On the East Coast of Southern Africa.” “Natal? Natal?” When we listened to the recording afterwards, it was difficult to distinguish which was Parkes and which was Amin.
Then somebody in Amin’s office must have pushed an atlas in front of him.
“Ah, Natal province. South Africa! Hey, Mr Parkes youbetter get out fast. I just got a jet aircraft delivered, I’m comin’ to bomb Natal province…”
It made a lively front page story that weekend. Also, the SABC borrowed the tapes and broadcast them in the early mornings for days. (But it did not cause widespread panic).
Yes, old Parksy. He was indeed a legend.
Key appointment
IN Idi Amin’s time, I was with an outfit called the Argus Africa News Service. Our man in East Africa was a fellow called Henry Reuter (which was a pretty good name for a newspaperman).
Henry was based in Nairobi but was in Kampala when Amin seized power. At his first news conference, Amin announced Henry as his Minister of Information.
It made sense. The name Reuters appeared at the foot of news reports in papers all over the world.
But Henry had to decline. The company did not allow moonlighting.
Tailpiece
TWO stout old ladies spot a 50-cent piece on the pavement.
“That’s inflation for you,” says one. “Hardly worth the effort of bending down for it.”
Last word
THERE is atragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. – Kurt Vonnegut