Stop harmful office gossip with CPR
all found ourselves in a conversation where our boss or a colleague is being talked about behind their back.
Sometimes these conversations are done in jest and with a little banter, but more often than not a line from “play to poison” is crossed.
Helene Vermaak, director at corporate cultural experts The Human Edge, says in these situations silence is not golden.
“By keeping quiet you are displaying your agreement of the discussion and support for the individuals doing the badmouthing.”
The group having the discussion are creating a villain story at someone else’s expense, without stopping to question the story’s truth or giving the person a chance to respond.
A “villain story” is something we tell ourselves when we’re disappointed, threatened, or at risk.
We automatically assume the worst possible motives while ignoring any possible good or neutral intentions a person may have. “As the story is repeated and grows unchallenged, it poisons the workplace,” warns Vermaak.
These conversations can be as simple as not giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but more often than not there is more going on.
Your colleagues could be motivated by jealousy, revenge, fear or dislike.
“Whatever the reason for the toxic gossip, you need to speak up when you hear and see inappropriate behaviour,” she says. Vermaak suggests using CPR – Content, Pattern and Relationship to deal with toxic gossip.
By addressing the content you focus on the facts in the person’s statement.
This is usually the simplest and safest way to respond, as you don’t draw any conclusions.
Suppose this comment is just one in a pattern of passive-aggressive comments this group uses to badmouth a colleague. You might address this pattern by saying, “I like the way we kid around with each other, but not when we start to throw people under the bus, people who aren’t here to defend themselves.”
The long-term impact of corrosive conversation is the undermining of trust and respect. If you feel people’s comments reveal a break in basic trust and respect, then you might address the relationship itself: “It sounds as if you’re questioning whether you can trust and respect her. Is that right? If that’s your concern, then I think you need to find a way to talk with her and hash it out.”