Immersed in the Balkans
ETHE IDLER
NGLAND had their chances – in fact, after that early goal from a beauty of a free kick, they led for most of normal time – but the Croatian pressure became relentless in the end.
For some of us, it was an immersion in the language and culture of the Balkans. We watched on a magnificent big screen in this fellow’s flat, served by an android system. But he’d only just taken delivery of the system and wasn’t too familiar with the workings of it.
As a result, we got the commentary totally in Croatian. Or was it Russian? Polish maybe? It certainly wasn’t French, German or Dutch, one would catch fragments. Of course, it’s also possible the commentator was a Yorkshireman.
But no matter, it showed two things: the viewer is king and can make up his own mind; and the Football World Cup brings together the nations.
England did far better, in getting to the semis, than anyone had anticipated, but this was the ceiling. More is nog ’n dag, as they say in Hampshire.
As England gradually simmers down, the brewers can take it easy. Thirty million pints of beer were sold in England during the build-up to the semis, according to Sky News, as patriots gathered in pubs all over the country.
The British Beer and Pub Association predicted that an extra 10 million pints would be sold during the semi-final against Croatia.
It’s thought that the knockout stage alone may have boosted the British economy by as much as £30 million (R535m).
Beer and skittles, to get metaphorical. It makes the world go round.
Oval ball
AND now, an interlude with the oval ball. Argentina, er the Jaguares, at Kings Park tomorrow. Will the yo-yo be in its upward tendency after last week’s debacle against the Stormers?
Are the Sharks still in with any kind of sniff for the playoffs? I’m afraid I’ve lost my slide rule for the calculations needed. But let’s at least end the home season with a flourish. We know they can give us that.
Ole, ole, ole!
Monster
ROB Nicolai, Howick’s resident theoretical physicist, is unimpressed by Scotland’s plans to take a DNA sample from the Loch Ness Monster.
“It’s beyond hokum,” he says. “Nessie was first sighted in 1933. If he is still alive today, he is an exceptionally long-lived plesiosaur, as few dinosaur carnivores lived past 30 years.
“This means Nessie has to be a breeding species and then there would be many different Nessies and surely they would have caught one by now?”
Rob suggests a study of Nessie sightings factoring in the Scottish whisky industry, but says the laws of “exponential probability flaw analysis” are against such endeavours.
So there we are.
Tax haven
IF ANYONE is looking for an off-shore tax haven and investment opportunity, reader David Cartwright has found just the accounting and investment company to help.
They operate in the Cayman Islands and trade as Dewey, Cheetham & Howe.
Catnap
POLISH TV viewers were engrossed in a very serious discussion of a crisis in the Supreme Court, between historian and political scientist Jerzey Targalski and journalist Rudy Bouma – when a cat stole the show.
Targalski’s cat suddenly jumped on his head, curled up and went to sleep, according to Huffington Post.
Targalski continued the discussion, apparently not even noticing the cat. Viewers did, though, and it might have distracted them somewhat from the cogent arguments being presented.
If a cat can stare at a king, it can certainly sleep on a historian and political scientist.
Travel tips
MORE from Rosemarie Jarski’s Great British Wit. Topic: Travel.
I have travelled extensively in Catford, Lewisham and Brockley SE26, but somehow never in Austria. – Spike Milligan
The Giant’s Causeway: worth seeing, yes, but not worth going to see. – Samuel Johnson
Norway. What a dreadful place. Grieg and £3 for half a pint of lousy lager. You would have to be a millionaire to be an alcoholic there. – Jeffrey Bernard
The best way of seeing Alexandria is to wander aimlessly about. – EM Forster
Tailpiece
WHY are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Last word
THE trouble with normal is it always gets worse. – Bruce Cockburn
suggesting that an addict will usually resist the label or resist getting help until he or she reaches rock bottom. It’s a sad place to reach for the addict, and for all who love the addict, and for all who are caught up in the addict’s web of denial and survival.
A former Durbanite, Smith is a family therapist in the US. You can e-mail him at RodESmith122@ gmail.com