Focus on own life, not husband’s
A READER writes: “I am the survivor in a marriage of two affairs and hence suffer from some doubt and scepticism. What could you advise as touchstones on which I could continue successfully?
“I, hopefully, never have to go down this road again but since I have committed to stay, I need to remain positive at times when I may feel doubtful and anxious.
“Your wisdom has helped me
thus far. I trust it to help me through the next stage.
“God’s grace and unfailing love has been amazing, too.”
PARADOXICALLY, focus on making your individual life as powerful and meaningful as possible as opposed to
focusing on your husband’s life and activities or even your marriage.
Increase your capacity for trust, your tolerance for ambiguity and the unknown, and your ability to let others experience the natural outcomes of their choices.
Quieten your inner-sceptic, but
do not try to expel her. She has a legitimate place and role, but it is not to lead.
Write. In about 500 words declare why you have chosen to stay married. Have this writing on hand when you find your confidence diminished as might occur on occasion.
Finally, and most importantly, expand and enjoy a close circle of supportive women friends.