Threat to Sturgeon’s dream
SCOTTISH leader Nicola Sturgeon yesterday defended her handling of sexual harassment complaints against her predecessor Alex Salmond in high-stakes testimony on an issue that threatens to scupper her dream of leading Scotland to independence.
Describing the feud with Salmond as “one of the most invidious political and personal situations” she had faced, Sturgeon denied Salmond’s accusations that she had plotted against him and misled the Scottish Parliament.
The feud between the pair, once close friends and powerful allies in the cause of Scottish independence, has reached fever pitch in recent weeks, threatening the electoral prospects of the Scottish National Party at a crucial time.
With Scottish elections in May, Sturgeon believes a strong showing for her party would give her a mandate to demand a second referendum on independence, after one in 2014 in which Scots voted by 55% to 45% to stay in the UK.
With Britain’s exit from the EU boosting pro-independence sentiment in Scotland, where a majority voted against Brexit, a series of opinion polls have suggested the SNP could well win a second independence referendum.
But a relentless torrent of negative and sometimes lurid headlines about the Sturgeon-Salmond row could deprive her of the emphatic win she needs to overcome resistance by British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who opposes a referendum.
In highly-anticipated testimony to an inquiry into how she and her government handled the sexual harassment claims against Salmond, which he denies, Sturgeon denied any improper behaviour, saying she had “searched her soul” many times.
“In one of the most invidious political and personal situations I have ever faced, I believe I acted properly and appropriately, and overall, I made the best judgments I could,” she told lawmakers.
“For anyone, at least anyone willing to listen with an open mind, that is what I will seek to demonstrate today,” she said, before beginning a detailed defence of her individual decisions, expected to last most of the day.
In his own explosive testimony on Friday, Salmond accused Sturgeon in taking part in a malicious plot to drive him out of public life, and of breaking the ministerial code on how ministers should behave in the process.
Sturgeon is now facing calls from Scottish Conservatives to resign.
The party’s leader, Douglas Ross has also accused Sturgeon of lying and has called for a vote of no confidence in her.
Ross tweeted that “there is no longer any doubt that Nicola Sturgeon lied to the Scottish Parliament and broke the Ministerial Code. She must resign”.
Denying that she had broken the code, a transgression that would normally lead to a resignation, Sturgeon hit back hard, rejecting Salmond’s talk of a plot as absurd and linking the saga to the broader context of the “me too” movement.
“As first minister, I refused to follow the age-old pattern of allowing a powerful man to use his status and connections to get what he wants,” she said, accusing Salmond of having asked her to intervene in his favour after women complained about him.
She said he had failed to recognise how difficult the situation was “first and foremost for women who believed his behaviour towards them was inappropriate, but also for those of us who have campaigned with him, worked with him, cared for him and considered him a friend, and who now stand unfairly accused of plotting against him.”
Salmond stood trial on charges of sexual assault and was acquitted last year.
He launched a judicial review in August 2018 to investigate the government’s handling of the harassment claims made against him.
Sturgeon is now facing scrutiny as to why her government pursued its defence in the review despite its own lawyers advising that it was likely to lose.
SINCE the moment your child was born, you’ve been developing your own language together. It was how you could decipher which cry meant, “I’m hungry”, and which meant, “I need affection”.
As they grew older, it was the reason you could serve as an interpreter when a curious adult asked your child a simple question.
Though your aunt heard, “gawbadole”, and stared back with a blank smile, you could helpfully translate to: “She said her favourite show is Paw Patrol.” This bonded language was the reason your older child could shoot you a look, quietly imploring you to make sure the server knew not to put ketchup on his burger.
You spoke the same language even when you didn't speak. You spoke it fluently. And you spoke it as a team. But, that was then.
Around the start of Grade 5, communication begins to break down. It's frustrating that at the exact time of life when the world begins to open up for your child – crushes, parties, social media, independence, mean friends – and you have so much advice to share, knowledge to impart and safety to ensure, your child stops listening.
Why does it have to happen now?
Around age 11, your child initiates what I call the Middle School Construction Project, during which they begin to build the three things they need to become an adult: an adult body, an adult brain and an adult identity.
Unfortunately, like most custom builds, you start off believing this project will be efficient and fast, only to discover it’s going to take much longer than expected. Although the Middle School Construction Project starts in middle school, or senior primary, your child will be under construction for 10 years or more.
What does this have to do with them not talking to me?
It's that third piece of the Middle
School Construction Project – identity development – that causes this language barrier.
Building an adult identity means figuring out who you are, what you believe in, what you enjoy, how you want to present yourself to the world and so on, apart from your parents.
It's the first major step in becoming an independent person, which, incidentally, is the foundation for healthy romantic relationships later in life.
So, although it may seem as if your child is suddenly a contrarian who rejects you and all you stand for without reason, the reason is actually that they need to practise being a person who thinks for themselves.
Think of this language barrier anthropologically for a moment:
It's the job of language to tie groups of people together. It is the job of adolescents, however, to break ties. Historically, this is why we see slang pop up at this age. It's a tween’s or teen’s way of bonding with their peers to the exclusion of adults.
I know when my mom offered me a warm coat on the way to the bus stop, it “gagged me with a spoon”, and left her standing there, coat in hand, wondering what happened to the little girl who used to be her pal.
As a parent, you can't – and shouldn't – fight your child's biological and neurological need to become independent. What you can do is learn a new way to communicate. The old language patterns you had developed will fall by the wayside, no matter how hard you try to hang on
to them, perhaps more quickly the tighter your grip. Instead, look at this as a natural time to start fresh. And whatever you do, don't stop talking! I see many parents go silent at this point, reasoning that their kids don’t listen anyway, so maybe it’s easier – or less painful, at least – to wait for their teens to come back around eventually.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Your child still needs your wisdom and guidance, not to mention boundary-setting. This is the time to learn how to build a new connection that fits their age and stage, so you can communicate effectively while still honouring their need to assert some autonomy.
How you start is most important
Parents I work with tell me their biggest challenge is getting started. They know they should talk with their kids about important topics such as pornography, drugs, heartbreak and sexuality, but they fear that once they get a few words out, their child will shut them down, change the subject, leave the room or flat-out beg them not to talk.
This leads parents to mistakenly believe they have a tiny window in which to cram the most pressing information they want their child to hear. For this reason, nervous parents often start where a conversation might naturally end: with advice or a warning.
"Hey, um, you know what pornography is, right?"
"GAH, MOM, STOP!"
"Fine! But don't go searching for it, because you can't unsee what you might find, and some of those images can ruin you for life! Where are you GOING?"
And … scene!
Let’s rewind. Rather than diving into the deep end, dip your toe in the water. Try starting with a positive, gentle comment about a tangential subject. In this case, you’d need to go very tangential, with something such as: “I love that you have your own laptop now and that it gives you more freedom to choose where you do homework. There are a couple of things we should cover about safety, too. Have a seat. I’ll only need about three minutes, then you can get back to what you were doing.” Having several short conversations, rather than one be-all and end-all, is a good idea, too.
Another way to start peacefully is to schedule a time to talk later. Tweens and teens don't like to feel ambushed by tough topics they haven't had a chance to think through first.
So, rather than asking them to sit down and go over grades with you on the spot, let them know you'd like to discuss school later, and ask if they'd prefer to talk before or after dinner. Give them the choice to pick the time, within certain bounds.