Financial genius was behind the wheel
IN A taxi the other day I was discussing coinage with the driver. Did I remember the old £1 notes, he asked, and what they could buy?
Did I remember? As I have mentioned in this column before, in those days you could take a girl out to dinner for £1 (equivalent of R2) and share a nice bottle of wine.
He chuckled. Yes, and in days the US dollar was worth about four shillings and sixpence (45 cents), he said. “We need to get back to those days.”
This was a man after my own heart. Did he remember all the wonderful Zulu names for the coinage? Yes, he did. We went through them.
Ufatingi – the farthing. Isitebele – the halfpenny, the word meaning “stable” because it cost a halfpenny to stable your horse. Now where today could you hope to stable your horse for half a cent?
Then dibilishi – the penny. People across the Commonwealth thought that in £sd – the abbreviation of pounds, shillings and pence – the “d” stood for the small Roman coin, denarius. We knew better. It stood for dibilishi. Then uthiki – the tickey, the tiny silver threepenny bit that often came in useful as a screwdriver. Izukwa – the sixpence. Usheleni – the shilling.
Then isikoshimeni – the two-shilling piece or florin, meaning “Scotchman”, so named because a Scottish contractor to the Natal Government Railways diddled his labour force by paying them in two-shilling pieces, telling them they were halfcrowns, worth two shillings and sixpence.
Then ufakulweni – the halfcrown itself, the name resulting from the tongue-twisting effect of “half-acrown”. In less salubrious circles the halfcrown was also known as ngogo, idiomatically meaning “the price of a woman”. One doesn’t wish to delve into or encourage such activities but it does illustrate a catastrophic slide in purchasing power. Where would you get today with 25 cents?
Then there was ishume – the ten-shilling note – and impondwe – the pound note – resplendent in its crowning glory and waiting for you take a girl out to dinner.
We laughed a lot. Then we reached the destination.
“How much?”
“£15.”
The guy is a genius. He shouldn’t be driving taxis. He should be in Tito Mboweni’s finance team working for our economic recovery.
Card theft
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: “I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn't bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.”
Limerick time
AND now we again greet the weekend with a limerick:
A lady, on climbing Mount Shasta, Complained when the mountain grew vaster.
It wasn’t the climb,
The dirt or the grime,
But the ice on her ass that harassed her.
Tailpiece
NOTHING says “I love my dog” quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
Last word
There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.