Small town courtroom cut and thrust
SOME court action in small town America comes this way, captured in a publication called Ireland’s Eye. (Would this be an Irish version of Britain’s satirical Private Eye?)
It’s set in Mississippi and an elderly grandmother is on the witness stand.
Prosecuting attorney: “Do you know me, Mrs Jones?”
“Why, yes I do, Mr Williams, I’ve known you since you were a boy and, frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their back. You think you’re a big shot, while you haven’t the brains to realise you’ll never be more than a two-bit paper pusher, Yes, I know you.”
Taken aback, the lawyer points across the room. “Do you know the defence attorney?”
“Why yes, I’ve also known Mr Bradley since he was a teenager. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is probably the worst in the state. He’s cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife … ”
At which the judge urgently beckons both counsel to approach the Bench. He whispers hoarsely: “If either of you ask her if she knows me, you get the electric chair!”
ALL trades and professions are suffering in this Covid pandemic. A copy of a completed Unemployment Benefits Application comes this way: Occupation: Burglar (handwritten) Reason for Unemployment: Everyone is home (handwritten).
Still got it
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: “I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.”
Shop till you drop
Joan Truscott sends in some thoughtful lines on the compulsion some gals have to go shopping.
I’m sure you’ve all heard about people who do excessive shopping
People who shop until they’re nearly dropping.
They try on clothes and shoes Dither about which to choose. Eventually they say ‘I’ll take them all’ – This is their downfall. Jewellery, household pieces
The urge to buy never ceases, Make-up and perfume they add to the list, The avid shopper can’t resist.
Some women arriving home secrete Their packages in the car boot
So hubby won’t see the loot. When at the month-end he sees the credit card slip
She’s afraid he will flip. Shopping gives some an emotional high That’s why they continue to buy.
Their cupboard groans with clothes, some Still brand new.
So what does the shopper do?
She goes to the store
To purchase yet some more,
It’s a kind of retail therapy this craving to shop
That’s why it is hard to stop. Shopping becomes a hobby all-consuming,
They think it’s a way to attain satisfaction they are assuming.
There are other more constructive ways To explore, just as satisfying to fill their days.
“May I try on that dress in the window, please?”
“No, ma’am. You’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.”
NEVER believe anything until it has been officially denied.