Sharks vs Bulls: time to avenge defeat

IT’S the auld enemy, the Bulls, in their own territory at Loftus tomorrow. And the Sharks have something to avenge, a memory to expunge – that debacle of a Currie Cup final.

But the lads have altogether changed their style of play since then. The kicking is judicious, not automatic. The offloading and directional switches have become sublime. The threequarters are adventurous and pacy out wide. The tackling is solid – when the fellows don’t get foxed. They must eliminate the penalties against, not to mention the cards, mainly for stupid stuff.

This time it should be different. The damsels of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties are strumming at their knickers in anticipation of supplying elastic for a fashioning of catapults for the time-honoured celebratory feu de joie in which the street lights are shot out. It seems so long since it last happened.

’Erewego, ’erewego, ’erewego!

Footballfish

A RARE Pacific footballfish has been found washed up on the beach at Crystal Cove in Orange County, California,

according to The Huffington Post. Rare because its habitat is thousands of metres below the ocean surface.

The footballfish is shaped not like a soccer ball but is more oval, as in American football or rugby. The first spine of its dorsal fins, the illicium, serves as a funky overhead lamp with a phosphorescent bulb on the end to attract its prey.

Now what could this footballfish be doing on the beach at Crystal Cove, in Orange County, California? Could it be the first in a rush of footballfish seeking to sign up with the California Eagles or the Sacramento Sirens in the American Football League? That funky overhead lamp could be decisive in night games.

US culture shock

THE Biden presidency seems almost a culture shock as America returns to normality – no more angry tweets, reaffirmation of close links with Nato and Europe, a meaningful tackling of the Covid challenge…

And now, according to the New Yorker, an Associated Press poll showing Biden getting a 63% general-approval rating has caused his opponents to accuse the president of “blatant displays of competence”.

“Joe Biden is the consummate Washington insider, and he knows how to game these polls,” Senator Rand Paul said.

“If you want to get a high approval rating, all you have to do is do a job that people approve of.”

Senator Ted Cruz agreed. “Joe Biden is so desperate to have a high approval rating that he’s been using every day in office to deliver results to the American people,” he charged. “I for one find this behaviour beneath contempt.”

Yes, this is scallywag satirist Andy Borowitz having fun again.

Tailpiece

THIS fellow goes into a theatrical agent’s office. “I do bird imitations.”

“Bird imitations are 10 a penny. It’s not worth putting you on our books.”

“Oh well, in case you change your mind, here’s my card.”

At which he drops his pants, lays an egg and flies out through the window.

Last word

THE chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.

| DON MARQUIS