A VIEW FROM THE TOP 50 ways to leave your lover

the hour, Jamie Dornan. Otherwise known as the billionaire with a penchant for BDSM, Christian Grey. Granted, Dornan hasn’t actually stepped out on his wife of two years, Amelia Warner. Yet.

But word on the cinema streets is that the Irish actor has already opted not to reprise his role in the 50 Shades of Grey franchise, despite the first in the three-part series having only released two weeks ago to massive box office takings.

The reason? Ostensibly, Lady Amelia is none too pleased about her man’s explicit sex scenes with alluring co-star, Dakota Johnson. Forgetting for a moment that she herself is an actress and should, therefore, have a far more broadminded outlook to the nature of her and her hubby’s chosen profession, you do have to ask whether Warner bothered to read the books?

After all, as one social commentator put it: “Surely Amelia knew what to expect when Jamie signed on for the project? I mean, the books are hardly fluffy clouds and rainbows.”

Staying with the subject of treachery (okay, it’s a tenuous link, but work with me here), 50 Shades director Sam Taylor-Johnson is also seemingly set to do a runner. In a classic case of “it’s not me, it’s her”, Taylor-Johnson is said to have had her fill of writer EL James yielding her whip (sorry, couldn’t help myself) on set and is seriously considering reneging on any contractual agreements requiring her to helm the next two instalments.

Obviously, her stellar writing skills (cough, cough, splutter) led James to the misguided belief that she makes for a talented backseat director, too: while Taylor-Johnson wanted the movie to be “more than just a collection of S&M scenes”, domineering James was pushing for the film to be as explicit as the book.

And hey, who can really blame her? When the sole reason for your product’s success was its smut value, why wouldn’t you want to incorporate that same sense of bawdiness into its celluloid format? Good taste be damned!

But, not everyone in Celebville is quite so willing to turn the other (butt) cheek when it comes to matters of class and propriety. With bestselling writer (cough, cough, splutter) and aspiring director ticked off her bucket list, it seems James is gunning for the title of “sought after star” next:

The gossip grapevine is bursting with the news that she is desperately attempting to secure a spot at this year’s Met Gala – one of the most coveted annual tickets in town – after failing to crack the nod from organiser, Anna Wintour.

Apparently, James fails to meet Wintour’s strict criteria which requires “100% star power, even if less fashion panache”. Meow!

Best the British novelist stick to mommy porn then.