How to be more likeable and get ahead at work in 2016
FOR CENTURIES, scientists have pondered about what makes some people more likeable than others. The result has been a flood of insights into human behaviour, psychology and relationships – many of which have flown under the radar.
The team at online education company Getsmarter (www.getsmarter.co.za) compiled the following science-backed insights into being more likeable that you can use in the coming year:
1. Be a chameleon – Ever caught yourself mimicking the behaviour of someone you’re talking to? You cross your arms as they cross theirs, or start talking softly because they are?
While it may seem odd, psychologists have found this act of mirroring has a profound effect on how much a person trusts you. It’s a way of saying: “I’m just like you. I feel what you’re feeling.”
The next time you chat to a colleague, consciously mirror their mannerisms. You’ll accelerate the bonding process, and create a sense of sameness. Also try to show excitement when you see someone – and they will naturally mirror that excitement back at you. Do it enough and you’ll start to make everyone excited when they see you.
2. Nod while you talk – This shortcut works hand in hand with mirroring, and is an easy way to get someone to agree with what you’re saying. All you have to do is nod your head while you talk, and the person will unconsciously feel that what you’re saying is true and desirable. They’ll be more inclined to agree with you, and see you as more likeable.
When you’d like a colleague to agree with you on an opinion, nod as you ask a question, for example: “Don’t you think John is the best (nod, nod) accountant here?”
3. Ask someone to do a favour for you – The Benjamin Franklin Effect teaches us that when you ask somebody to do you a favour and they oblige, they’re more likely to do you a favour again in the future. Why? Researchers found that when someone agrees to do a favour for you, they go through a rationalisation process – convincing themselves as to why you’re worth doing the favour for. In other words, they tell themselves why they like you. Added to that, they feel as though they have something that you don’t. It makes them feel admired and respected, and this instantly raises their opinion of you.
The next time you’re having trouble with getting a colleague to like you, ask them for a favour. This can be anything from sharing some of their knowledge on a certain subject, to asking them if you can borrow their pen.
4. Open your hands – Ever feel like someone’s invading your space if they point at you? This is because the gesture of pointing is generally seen as aggressive and rude. Want to seem more likeable? Stop pointing and start using the openpalm gesture. Psychologists say that opening your hands conveys trust, and makes you come across warm and friendly. The next time someone asks you for directions in the office, instead of pointing, use your open-palm gesture and “present” the directions.
5. Listen without thinking – The secret to active listening is to put yourself on hold while you take in what’s been said. How? Stop thinking about what you’re going to say next; stop evaluating what they’re saying; take a deep breath, and just focus on the message. The benefits of this are enormous in a work environment: greater cohesion among team members; greater productivity; and team members are more open to sharing ideas, which leads to greater creativity and innovation.
When you’re listening and can’t seem to get what you want to say out of your head, pretend as though you’re physically pressing the pause button on your thoughts.
6. Use your Duchenne smile – You have two types of smiles – your fake “say cheese” smile and your genuine “Duchenne” smile, named after French neurologist Dr Guillaneume Duchenne who conducted extensive research on the difference between a fake smile and a genuine smile. The difference? It’s all in the eyes.
When people fake a smile, they use different facial muscles, and their eyes don’t crinkle. That’s the biggest giveaway, and a huge problem for when you’re trying to get people to like you.
You can train yourself to fake a Duchenne smile: look at photos of yourself when you were genuinely smiling, then practise squinting a little when you smile. If your eyes start to crinkle slightly and look similar to the photos, it means you’re doing it right!
– Everything in moderation. Smiling too much may make you lose your credibility; nodding too much may turn you into a bobblehead; and mirroring a person’s every move may come across as slightly creepy.
So, use these shortcuts skilfully and you'll be the light of the room.