An important piece of paper that sparks family feuds

THE LAST time we buried someone from my maternal family was in January 2013; it was my grandmother. I was 22, which means I could interpret and understand things better.

As you might know, black funerals are the most extravagant events you can think of. But there is something that is a serious family divider; a certified copy of a death certificate. People get so mad at one another because of this important paper that gives them access to money. Families get into feuds because of a piece of paper.

The most hated person is the one who has it and decides on who is getting it. Normally, this would be the matriarch of the family.

I recall a moment when my aunts and uncles were enquiring about who was going to buy what and who had registered my grandmother, for which funeral cover and how much they were contributing towards the burial expenses.

I have realised that it always turns out to be a long consulting process among the family. There is a meeting almost every day until the final hour. Also, it is about flexing financial muscles, those who have disposable money lead the meetings.

People will bow to this individual, and he or she will treat the elders like some naughty kids asking for lollipops. I guess that is a culture we will not break away from any time soon.

Here is the most absurd thing; people sign their family members up to get money from their stokvels, official and non-official burial cover for their own gains.

How evil have we become that we open policies and register people, all in the name of helping their families when they are no more, but fail to contribute a cent?

I know that the words, Leso la gae le a mphedisa (loosely translated; we live better because he or she is dead), are popular in black communities.

However, we need to start having a conscience when dealing with issues that have to do with the dead.

I know we use our own money to pay for the funeral cost and what-not. Do we sleep peacefully with no worries weighing us down for days, weeks and months after we have moved on without contributing a cent?

Everybody should consent officially with an affidavit or a formal, signed letter that they agree to be covered for burial by such a person.

The last blow for me was in December when my sister and I were helping our paternal family with a burial of someone close to us.

As they heard about our contributions, others kept saying: “We are certain that they are going to get big bucks from funeral policies. Watch them next week, they will be here asking for the death certificate to go process their claims.”

The rumours reached us. People don’t think that there are people who genuinely do good, with no expectations in return.

The truth is, we were not going to get a single dime. To be accused of doing good for gains is one thing, but to use someone’s death for financial gains is purely heartless. Money is really not the root of evil. It is the love for money that is the root of all evil.

Let’s bury this bad tendency of deliberately not contributing anything for people whom we have sworn to help bury with dignity. There is nothing dignified about cashing in money and pretending we did not use their names to gain financially.

Not everyone who did not contribute and is asking for the death certificate wants to cash in on some of the money. Some need the document as proof when applying for family responsibility or compassionate leave at their workplaces.

Nevertheless, those who know very well that it is about the money, need to at least contribute something. Even a bag or two of potatoes, or 5kg of chicken mixed portions is better than nothing.

We have to get over the death certificate debacle.

Kabelo Chabalala is the founder of the Young Men Movement (YMM). E-mail, kabelo03chabalala@gmail.com; Twitter, @ KabeloJay; Facebook, Kabelo Chabalala