Messaging can get in the way of serious conversations and ‘disconnect’ couples

OUPLES should not let their thumbs do the talking when it comes to serious conversations, disagreements or apologies, according to a new study.

Researchers found that relationships may suffer because hi-tech communications can lead to couples “disconnecting” with each other on serious issues.

“The bottom line is that if you don’t have something nice to text, better not text at all,” concluded the report.

Researchers Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg from Brigham Young University in Utah studied 276 young adults and found that being constantly connected through technology can create cracks in committed relationships.

Just under 40 percent of the study participants said they were in a serious relationship, 46 percent were engaged and 16 percent were married.

The report found that for women, using text messages to apologise, work out differences or make decisions was associated with a more unhappy relationship. For men, very frequent texting was associated with a poor relationship.

However, both men and women agreed that expressing affection via text enhanced a relationship.

“Technology is more important to relationship formation than it was previously,” said Schade. “The way couples text is having an effect on the relationship as well.”

Each participant completed an extensive relationship assessment that included questions about their use of technology in the relationship.

About 82 percent of them traded text messages with their partner multiple times a day.

Many of the couples used texting for “relationship maintenance” – the kind of conversations that help reassure partners their relationship is working

Ordinarily, having these conversations is a good thing, but over text the conversations could deteriorate.

“Reaction to disappointment and reality testing occurs more quickly face to face,” Sandberg said. “There is a narrowness with texting and you don’t get to see the breadth of a person that you need to see.”

For men, more texting doesn’t necessarily mean a better relationship. And they don’t just get tired of receiving texts; their relationship satisfaction is also lower when they send a lot of texts themselves.

“We’re wondering if this means men disconnect and replace inperson conversations with more texting,” Schade said. “Maybe as they exit the relationship, they text more frequently because that’s a safer form of communication. We don’t know why, that is just a conjecture.”

The article was published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy. – Daily Mail