‘Watch the ball!’: Why some sideline remarks are less helpful than you think
The winter sports season has begun. This means some parents find themselves on cold weekends, watching their children on the sidelines of soccer, rugby and netball matches.
As they stamp their feet to stay warm, they may want to offer encouragement or guidance. They may also find themselves expressing views about a referee decision or becoming emotional about how their child or their child’s team is performing.
What impact does this have on your children?
PARENTS BEHAVIOUR MATTERS
A recent Australian pilot study surveyed 67 teenagers who play team sports and have parents watching from the sidelines.
It found that if the parents were positive on the sidelines (cheering, encouraging athletes, helping if someone was hurt), young players were more likely to behave better towards their team-mates and opponents.
The reverse was also true. Negative sideline behaviours (such as, yelling, swearing, put-downs, getting annoyed, reacting badly to a loss or foul) meant the children were more likely to behave similarly on the field.
Parents behaviour can also influence how much a child enjoys a sport and whether they want to quit. As a 2016 US study noted: “If children perceive parents to engage in pressuring behaviours, such as excessive expectations, criticising play or withdrawing love after competition it can lead to negative sporting experiences.”
BAD BEHAVIOUR LEADS TO BANS
Most sports codes and clubs have clear guidelines around expected behaviour on and off the field. Parents, school teams and coaches can be banned or penalised if they are abusive or violent. It is not okay to swear, make threats, or be aggressive towards coaches, umpires or players.
ABOUT MORE THAN BRAWLING
But there are other ways that parental behaviour can be negative for their children playing sport.
Common comments like, “c’mon shoot”, “watch the ball” or “kick it harder”, may seem helpful and supportive but they can also be controlling. They are not trusting children to simply play the game the best they can (and for that to be enough).
You could ask yourself: would I like these comments or find them helpful if I was playing?
These sorts of comments also very easily tip into more belittling remarks if children don’t respond or make a mistake. Criticising a child’s abilities either privately or in front of others undermines their confidence and self esteem. Also avoid giving different instructions from the team’s coach. This can cause confusion and embarrassment for players.
Meanwhile, all this pressure from parents suggests winning is the most important thing. It means sport is less about fun, playing with friends and developing skills. It may simply lead to a child wanting to quit.
HELPFUL SIDELINE BEHAVIOUR
Any parent who has watched their child play will also know it is very hard to stay absolutely quiet. So if you do want to yell out, you could say something supportive, such as “that’s the way, good work!” or “keep going!”
Other ways to make children feel supported include:
• reminding them how proud you are they are having a go, either before or after a match;
• encouraging all players on the team;
• letting the coach do the coaching; and
• honouring the umpire’s decision (even if you do not agree with it).
Children look to their parents as role models. That is why staying calm and positive, and just being there at half-time with a drink is much more valuable than offering non-stop commentary during play.
U.S. social psychologist Jonathan Haidt argues that the complete transformation of childhood that took place between 2010 and 2015 as cellphones took off has led to a “great rewiring of childhood”. He links the rise of the “phone-based childhood”, continual supervision by adults and the loss of free play, to spikes in mental illness in young people. According to American College Health Association figures, since 2010, the percentage of U.S. undergraduates diagnosed with anxiety has soared by 134%. A similar situation has emerged in the UK and many European countries.
He says, parents must act together to prevent them caving in. “If we all do it together, if even half of us do it together, then it becomes much easier for our kids,” he said. — AFP.