Cover story – Thembisa Mdoda on her meteoric rise
Last year, TV personality THEMBISA MDODA, 35, was crowned entertainer of the year at the DSTV Viewer’s Choice Awards. By the looks of things, 2018 is set to be yet another year of success. The actress chats about getting closer to God, finding the love of
I fast every last week of the year, preparing and praying for the year ahead. Before we started 2018, I was very specific in my prayers. I prayed to God to take me out of my comfort zone.
The saying goes, “Let go of what no longer serves you so you can attract more of what you really need.” For Thembisa, the minute this adage clicked, she bid farewell to the popular Mzansi Magic show Our Perfect Wedding (OPW), and almost immediately, was flooded with even more blessings. Her career has been rocketing, and winning South Africa’s heart on her way up. We’ve seen her get down on MNet’s Dancing With The Stars show, and also captivate viewers on the Ferguson Films produced drama series, Unmarried. She’s also co-host of the SABC 1 show Your
Next Million; and then there’s Baby Mamas, which is a comedy film about four South African women who’re single moms. She stars alongside Dineo Ranaka, Salamina Mosese and Kay Smith, and the film was selected to be screened at the 6th annual Toronto Black Film Festival in February. Can someone say #BlackGirlKillingIt!
“I had no plans after leaving OPW .I had faith that, because I have a Dramatic Arts degree from Wits, surely I was going to act somewhere. During the wedding show, I switched managers and got signed under Owen S Management. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. They became my plan going forward,” she says, laughing. It’s 10am as we meet for breakfast smoothies at a café in Hyde Park Corner. Thembisa is in her gym gear; after our chat she’ll head to the Dancing With
The Stars rehearsals (this is before she exited the show). The actress is looking fresh faced, and is not holding back on what’s been happening with her successes. “I told Owen S that I wanted to act, and they took care of it. The beautiful thing is once I jumped that ship, everyone approached me, saying they’d been waiting for me all along. It was understandable because I was only available two to three times a week while shooting OPW because it took up most of my time. It’s always good to leave a place on good terms; I’d done what I came to do as a person, artist and presenter. When I started on the show I hoped I would take it higher than it was. I really hoped I would turn it around and make it something people were excited to watch and where there was no laughing at people and make weddings a spectacular event. I did say that once I ticked all those boxes that I’d set up for myself, when I started the show, then I’d be done.”
“I fast every last week of the year, preparing and praying for the year ahead. Before we started 2018, I was very specific in my prayers. I prayed to God to take me out of my comfort zone this year. I wanted to act in a series because I felt I wanted to push myself as an actress. I got Unmarried. I put my all into that show; there are talks of a second season, which I’m crossing my fingers for. I also asked God that the film Baby Mamas goes international so we can reflect our stories as South Africans. I prayed for my partner, and for my children to do well in school. I even asked for my dad and sisters’ success, and for all their dreams to come true. Heck, I even prayed for my goal weight! That’s how specific I was.”
And by gracefully letting go of OPW, Thembisa was making way for all these blessings. Had she insisted on staying, none of these opportunities would have presented themselves. Yes, she acknowledges, the show did give her career a major boost. As its presenter, she won Best TV Presenter at the 2017 South African Film and Television Awards. She also won a Best TV Presenter award at the inaugural DSTV Choice Awards last year, and the Ultimate Viewer’s Choice Award. But it was time to let go. If she wanted to spread her wings and explore other avenues, Thembisa had to relinquish control and let God take care of the rest.
“I loved OPW so much that I felt I’d done everything I really wanted to do with it. I felt somebody else should come in and feel the love and growth I had experienced on the show.”
Despite her decision to leave, there’s no bad blood between Thembisa and OPW. In fact, she didn’t even think twice when the producers approached her to be a judge for its new presenter search show. And, the 35-year-old has applauded the show for opening up opportunities to more women. Ironically, it’s at OPW that the mom of two boys found love. While she was celebrating other couples who were getting married, she too was falling in love – behind the scenes. Rumours are rife that Thembisa is actually engaged to her beau of three years. I search her face for confirmation, but she remains coy, explaining that she wants this relationship to be hers, away from the spotlight. What she does confirm, though, is that she’s in love. “I’m besotted actually! I’m besides myself. I don’t even think I’ve used the word.
Our foundation is so solid that everything is blooming. Yes, he’s the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
It’s beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s the maturity of my relationship that makes me feel this way. The thing about love that is mature is that you’re allowed to be childish because the groundwork – communication – is solid. My guy has taught me so much. Even when I act some type of way, he brings me back. He knows how to handle me – he’s like my fixer. Our foundation is so solid that everything is blooming. Yes, he’s the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”
She continues: “I wasn’t looking for anything when we met. I was celebrating other people’s love on the show. The devil wanted me to hate love; to take what had been going on in my previous marriage and what was said in the tabloids and turn me into a person I didn’t know. But I didn’t let it happen. My guy was the director of photography on OPW. He could see that I’m confident and there to do my thing. Now he tells me that he’d heard a few things about me, including about my crazy shoe collection and that I have great legs. So he was a bit skeptical in the beginning. He’s very good friends with comedian Tumi Morake. For me, that affirmed he was a good guy. One day, we were filming out of town and we were taking pictures of my outfits so I could post them on Instagram on Sunday as I usually did every week. Jokingly, he said ‘If you don’t get a boyfriend after posting these pictures, I won’t understand why not’. Soon after that, he was my boyfriend. That’s when we started dating.”
I use this gap to probe this development further. When did you fall in love with him? “He was always there, behind the camera every time we did a link, fixing the camera. The first thing that I noticed about him were his legs, but I brushed that off and dismissed any curiosity I had about him. I had just started presenting on the show so I wasn’t interested in a relationship. Or so I thought. But getting to know him was the cherry on top. You can’t not love him once you know him. When you start dating someone after going through what I had, it’s difficult to trust and let go of doubt. So there was a lot of back and forth between us in the beginning. But that’s when we became stronger and I realised how much I loved him.” Were you happy and at a place of contentment and peace with yourself when you met your partner? “Yho babes! I’d never loved myself that much,” she says, before taking another sip of her smoothie. It’s getting crowded at the café and more people start recognising the former 94.7 and TouchHD radio host. “For almost two years before I even got OPW, I started a personal praying routine. I got married in 2012 and in 2014 I began my spiritual journey. In 2015 we divorced. I’d go to church at CFC Push Ministries on Sundays, which is where I met my praying sister. We’d meet at home for prayer sessions. I also started attending prayer nights at the church from 6pm until 3am. There was something inside of me that said I was going to need God. So I embraced that journey of being closer to Him. It was powerful, yet the toughest thing I’d ever had to do.
The only time I’m down is when I’m on the ground and I’m praying. I’m still standing despite the hurdles I faced and having my life splashed in the tabloids. I have become a patient person, and I trust God with my whole heart. Praying has changed my life for the better. I live a life so true now. That’s probably why my guy thought I was arrogant when we first met because I was so spiritually mature.”
Smiling from ear to ear, she goes back to giving the many reasons she loves her guy so much. “He’s from the hood and I’m from the ’burbs, and so we teach each other a whole lot of things. We spend all our time together. We even pray together before we leave the house, and before we sleep. We pray a whole lot. He’s also brought me closer to God, which is something I’ll always be grateful for. My man is very spiritual, hardworking, and he loves kids. My sons love him so much and they think I’m the boring one now!”
If the rumours are true, this will be Thembisa’s second marriage. How is love different this time around? “Love is never different – it’s how you accept it and how you navigate through it. We never get love in different ways, we may grow older but love is never different. It’s like God – He’s never different; it’s how you navigate His love for you that differs.”
Last year I sat down with Thembisa for our Siblings issue interview in July. Back then, she’d said that before she presented OPW, she’d actually done other work in the entertainment industry. This includes appearances on shows such as Ses’Top La, Vukani and the award-winning telenovela The Road. She’s starred in films such as Mzansi Love: Lawless, Kite, Through
Her Eyes to name a few. And, she’s done a lot of theatre work, including Vagina Monologues, and The Children’s Monologues which is directed by James Ngcobo. That play actually showed on three different stages – in New York City, Joburg and in the Free State. The play’s Hollywood version included Trevor Noah, Charlize Theron, Susan Sarandon, Common, and Black
Panther’s Daniel Kaluuya. This Jack(y) of all trades even has a history in journalism having been features editor at Blaque and writer for Real magazine. Then, Thembisa said she often felt overlooked, and questioned why she wasn’t getting cast for shows. Fast forward to two years later, and she’s the current go-to girl in entertainment.
I want to provide my kids with love, education and communication, knowing that they can talk to me about anything...
“Before OPW, I was filming The Road. I actually got both shows at the same time. Before them, I was going through a divorce. My marriage was a volatile situation, even before it reached the media and became tabloid news. I remember thinking, ‘Thembisa, this is not where you are supposed to be.’ It’s funny now because when my ex-husband and I talk, we laugh and say, ‘Thina kodwa (us though)! What were we doing?’ When you get into a marriage, you don’t think it’s going to end. We were married for three years and dated way before that. But now when I sit and think back, I realise that when you get into a situation like ours, you have no idea what you’re doing. We were also getting into and navigating through an industry that is so cut-throat. At that time, it was either you were famous or not. We were both still growing as individuals and I realised that our love as students at Wits in 2004 was not the same love, two kids later, trying to make ends meet. Now I know better.”
Lack of communication was their downfall, Thembisa says. “If we’d asked each other ‘Is it still the same love?’, ‘Is this love growing?’ or ‘Why are we holding on?’, I think we could have been better. Now when we look back we laugh about it and ask why we let it get there? I met my ex-husband 14 years ago. It doesn’t matter what happened in those 14 years. He and I will always be tied together. People expect me to hate him. I don’t; he and I are good. If I come and say, ‘no this and that are lies and this is the truth’ then I’m participating in something about my life that I want to keep mine. I didn’t want to make my life a spectacle and feed the tabloids. And I didn’t want to do that to him either, he and my kids didn’t deserve it. Things that happened within our marriage and all the bad things I’d gone through, are things that the world doesn’t have to know. You can’t look at divorce as an end, but rather a rebirth. My rebirth started even before the divorce; it was two years before things came to an end when I began going to church. I think that’s why I could go through it.”
The mom of six-year-old twins shares that she wants more kids. In fact the twins and her guy had a “meeting ” – they want a family of seven. Thembisa says motherhood isn’t as easy as everyone makes it out to be. She remembers fainting from exhaustion soon after the twins were born prematurely. “Growing up, you’d wonder why mom was always so angry and shouting, but as you go through parenthood you realise it isn’t easy at all. Presidency may be difficult but being a mom is tough!” What’s her wish for her boys? “For them to live their own lives freely.
I want to provide them with love, education and communication, knowing that they can talk to me about anything and everything, and also knowing that they deserve anything and everything. Those are the chess pieces I put on the board and then they will determine how they live their lives. I need them to know that they are from a place of love, no matter what happened to the family they were born into. I want and need them to continue with that tradition of love.”
One day, however, the boys will read what the tabloids have written about their parents. Thembisa says it won’t matter because she’ll tell them the truth.
“I’ve thought about that. By then, I hope everything would be sorted, but I realise I have to talk and be honest with them. I talk to them even at this very young age and explain to them what’s going on. I speak to them honestly and openly. Even with my new guy, I include them and have talks about him. I want them to know that their opinions and views matter. Should they ask about anything in future, I’ll answer them honestly.”
Thembisa’s prayer for 2018 was also that her production company, Usakhe Productions, which she started in 2014, thrive. The name means ‘build us’ in isiXhosa. It’s actually her marriage name, which she was given by her former in-laws as per tradition. “My ex-mother in law is an amazing woman. She oozes spiritual awareness. So when she gave me that name, I thought it’s so beautiful. Even now when we speak, I still get love from her. I decided not to change the name.”
The TV personality is partnering with two other companies – one belongs to her bae – to work on creating amazing stories for SA. One of them is already in the works. But it’s a project she can’t reveal too much about, but guarantees us it will be fresh, out-of-the-box content. Another project that’s in the pipelines is a film by writer, producer and director, Zwo Farisani which Thembisa describes as a mixture between American hospital drama series, Grey’s Anatomy and
City of Angels. For now, she says her main focus with Usakhe is to create great South African stories; the money will come later.
There’s no stopping Thembisa and it seems 2018 is already going to be another great year for this talented star. “I get tearyeyed, especially when I say to God, ‘Thank you because not many women can say they are living their passion with the man they love and have amazing beautiful healthy kids; and are able financially and emotionally.’ I’m grateful that I have my sisters and dad around and have a supportive structure around me.”