Sex – How to orgasm every time
Having trouble reaching the big ‘O’? Read the following tips from women who took matters into their own hands
Sex is great. Orgasms are even better. They signal pure pleasure, yet, some women never get to experience that toe-curling sensation that leaves most women feeling like they’ve just had an out-of-body experience. What’s the best way to get an orgasm? Why have some women never experienced it? Research shows that women are less likely to orgasm during sex than men. So, if you’re having difficulties with orgasms you’re not alone, and most importantly, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. According to a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, only 35% of heterosexual women who participated in the survey always or usually orgasm during vaginal sex alone, with 44% saying they rarely or never did. The researchers suggested a combination of oral sex, deep kissing and genital stimulation to increase the chances of experiencing an orgasm. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that the chances of climaxing during casual sex are as slim as 62.9% because women mostly orgasm regularly with a familiar partner, while men orgasm 85.1% of the time. But is it all doom and gloom down there? We asked five women to share their orgasm tips and tales.
*NOKULUNGA MBHELE, 25
“I never had orgasms with my first boyfriend, and assumed something was wrong with me, especially because my friends would harp on about how amazing their sex lives were. However, things have changed with my current man. One day, we didn’t change positions and kept at the same pace until I felt my whole body tingle. I couldn’t control my body and before I knew it, I had reached an orgasm. It was the best feeling ever! Since that day, I know that I’m guaranteed an orgasm each time my boyfriend keeps up the same repetitive pace. My best position is the ‘legendary’ missionary as my clitoris rubs up against my man’s genitals during penetration. Being on top is also helpful since it gives me more control over the spots that would ordinarily receive less stimulation.”
*LEBOHANG SETUMO, 35
“I never struggle with orgasms. I always tell my friends that everyone is capable of an orgasm; it’s just a matter of knowing your body and communicating what pleases you. And that’s where masturbation comes in (no pun intended!). You need to be able to get yourself off before someone else does. One night, my boyfriend was away on a work trip and out of boredom, I gave masturbation a shot. It seriously used to intimidate me. Following that incident, I became very specific in the bedroom. Now I know for sure that the path to an exhilarating orgasm starts with first figuring out your body before expecting someone else to know your pleasure spots. I usually rub my clitoris gently while my man is on top during intercourse. That way, I reach a blended orgasm, which happens when the vagina and clitoris orgasm simultaneously.”
*MARY GUMEDE, 50
“I always tell my friends that foreplay is key. One of the most common reasons women fail to climax is that couples seldom spend enough time teasing and playing with each other before sex. To increase your chances of an orgasm, you first need to prepare your body for sex. My husband and I begin our foreplay 15 minutes before we actually start making love, which helps create sexual tension. Foreplay also helps him to last longer in bed, and the longer the session, the more intense our climax is. While we’re kissing, I let his hands roam to my sensitive spots, sometimes I orgasm during foreplay and again during sex – isn’t that awesome? As women, we require arousal before an orgasm, even though the type of stimulation may differ from woman to woman.”
*THOBILE ZULU, 43
“I didn’t orgasm during sex until I was in my 30s. This used to cause me so much distress that I would even obsess about it during sex. Things changed when I met my now husband. He was so gentle and reassuring, and went out of his way to make me feel relaxed and comfortable. One day, I felt a tingling sensation during sex and was convinced it was my pee. I stopped him instantly and rushed to the bathroom. The next time this happened, he told me that I was experiencing an orgasm and asked that I stay put. I’d been capable of having orgasms all along but panicked instead of listening to my body. My sex life has changed for the better. Now, I always relax before sex and relish every moment during penetration. Stressing while also trying to concentrate on having an orgasm only makes matters worse. RELAX! ”
*NQOBILE ZWANE, 28
“I didn’t trust online sex articles for the longest time. But there was one that once caught my eye so I read extensively on it and put it to the test — it had suggested kegel exercises. I did them regularly and before I knew it, making love to my boyfriend became such a delight. Kegels help me stay aroused during sex, which eventually leads to me reaching that all-important but sometimes elusive climax. I’m also big on the squeezing technique, where I tighten my vagina muscles as my boyfriend penetrates me. I usually start feeling these strong waves of pleasure approaching until I eventually reach a peak. Plus, the harder you tighten, the firmer the grip around your partner’s penis. This, will increase the friction you feel leading up to your orgasm."
There you have it. There are always various routes to help you reach destination ‘O’. You just need to find out what it is that gets your body excited, and let your partner know so he can adjust his moves accordingly. Or better yet, guide him to help you reach that explosive orgasm! *Not their real names