Relationship – Catfishing

While a lucky few have found love online, oo many others fall hook, line and sinker into scammers’ traps. Here’s how to guard your heart, and purse, against would-be suitors!

It is said that experience is the best teacher. That’s why 27-year-old Jabulile Nodada*, from Joburg, no longer believes in finding love online because she once fell victim to a catfishing scam. “In 2015, I decided to experiment with a dating app. A week later I was drawn to Themba*, whose profile picture painted him as the quintessential hunk. We spent months texting and calling each other. The final step was to have a faceto-face encounter so as to make things official. He told me he was based in Durban, and was saving enough money to come see me in Joburg. Six months into our ‘relationship’, he allegedly got retrenched, and couldn’t keep up with his debts,” Jabulile recalls.

She fell for his lie and decided to help him out, financially. “The biggest blow was when he asked me to help pay for his flight ticket to Joburg so we could finally meet. Excited, I transferred the R8 000 he’d requested for his rent, flights and accommodation. I was still living with my parents then, so we agreed that I’d spend the entire weekend with him at a hotel. When the day finally arrived, I drove to OR Tambo International Airport and waited for him to land. I waited… and waited... until it was late at night. His phone was off and I’ve never heard from him since. I was so hurt and embarrassed. When I look back at my stupidity, I regret the R20 000 I lost ‘helping him out’ all those months. But I’m grateful I didn’t fall into a horrendous crime. I was so trusting, I could’ve lost my life if he had worse intentions,” Jabulile adds.

WHAT IS CATFISHING?

Some movies often draw inspiration from this phenomenom because of how rife it is. The term ‘catfish’ was actually conceptualised out of the personal experience of Nev Schulman, American-based reality TV executive producer and co-host of the 2010 documentary film, Catfish. He had met and fallen in love with a “19-year-old woman” who turned out to be a middleaged housewife. The film caught the attention of MTV, and became a reality series, opening the eyes of the world to people going online to take advantage of others.

According to Papi Mabele, founding editor of tech website, twfld.com, catfishing is when someone, usually a love interest met on social apps, pretends to be someone they’re not.

“Often than not, a catfish’s sole purpose is to engage in a fantasy,” he says. “Sometimes, however, the person’s intent is to defraud a victim, seek revenge or commit identity theft. For those looking for a relationship online, certain dates can go sideways, but you can at least laugh about them later. However, there are plenty of unhinged individuals out there who look at dating sites and see a trove of potential victims. In some cases, the results can be disastrous,” Mabele adds.

While the internet has shrunk the world to a click, and made finding love on social networks possible, Mabele warns that online dating (like any other form of dating) has an unsavoury side — and women particularly need to be vigilant when interacting with suitors on digital platforms.

BAITING YOUR TRUST

Looking for love can make you gullible because you let down your guard while getting to know someone. Predators rely on this to lure you into whatever scheme they may have. “A catfisher exploits the fact that people are often willing to ignore warning signs that a friend or acquaintance may not be who they claim to be. In a cyber relationship, such signs include refusals to meet in person or have video chats, making claims of a serious disease or injury, unusually attractive profile images, personal information that doesn’t add up, or requests for money,” Mabele continues.

SAFETY CONCERNS

There’s good reason to be worried about your safety when you venture into online dating. In January 2016, News24 reported that most crimes associated with Tinder or other dating apps involved violence and sexual assault. Cases of rape, assault and even attempted murder, have been reported internationally.

At least one in three people use online dating sites and apps, according to a 2018 survey by Kapersky Lab, an international cybersecurity firm. This opens them up to dealing with and fending off people who create fake profiles, lie and look for ways to take advantage of you.

And, South Africans are not immune to this sort of crime, as we’ve caught up considerably with global trends. Recently, a University of KwaZulu-Natal student was lured into exchanging explicit photographs and later blackmailed into parting ways with a large sum of cash.

PROTECTIVE MEASURES

The obvious trick catfishers use is to hide their real identity and use random beautiful people on their profile pictures, says Lebo Radebe, a Joburgbased social media lawyer.

“The other common trait is that they

lie a lot. I would advise that you don’t trust someone you just met online. Yes, you can establish a rapport and have good conversations, but don’t be too gullible and put yourself in vulnerable positions. If you get to meet the person, set up your first meeting in a public place. Tell someone about the date, and listen to your gut. If you feel like something’s too good to be true, it probably is.”

Radebe also cautions against sharing your address, banking details, and your ID number particularly, because those sensitive details can lead to identity theft, which is difficult to solve.

Mabele agrees, adding that it’s important to choose dating sites wisely. Stick with trustworthy establishments with a “good” trust rating. Be wary of signing up long-term, even if the price is tempting, and make sure it’s easy to cancel your subscription. Some of these criminals are smooth-talkers so be discerning. But, it’s not all doom and gloom. While there are many cases of people being catfished, there are happy endings for some who started their relationships online. Cape Town-based Angela Mahlangu met her husband, Bongani Mahlangu, on Facebook in 2010 and married him in 2016. She says, “We started as off friends on social media and started chatting through direct messaging. Before we knew it, we’d fallen for each other and we decided to meet. I guess what made dating easier was that we’d done our research on each other through our mutual friends. There came a point where I couldn’t wait to wake up just to chat with him. We fell in love before we even met! My advice is to meet in a public place, and always send your location to close friends and family while out on the date,” she concludes. ■

*Not their real names