True Story – Nolwandle Radebe On Surviving A Car Accident
Motivational speaker and life coach, Nolwandle Radebe, uses her traumatic past experiences to help others heal
“I was born into a world that robbed me of a relationship with my mother when I was 18 months old, and grew up through the trials of life that saw me become a single mother in my youth. I was declared dead three times after surviving a car accident that literally rearranged my entire life. Today, I can proudly attest to having proven science wrong.
I soon learnt that losing my mother at a tender age would be the opposite of ‘the gift that keeps on giving’. Every birthday, hardship encountered, milestone celebrated, as well as Mother’s
Day, continues to be a sore reminder that I have no motherly shoulder to cry on. I have no memories of her, except for a picture that I treasure dearly. Yearning for the love and guidance of a mother, I found solace in my friends and looked to them for support, which in turn led me to make a few unpopular decisions. I fell pregnant with my eldest daughter while in my third year of varsity. I had a busy social life and decided to drop out. Not having someone to guide me, saw me fall into many traps along the way — be it men, alcohol or wrong life choices. I proudly carried the attitude that no one could dictate to me because I, after all, didn’t have a mother. Every time I’d see other girls and women embracing their mothers, feelings of jealousy and envy would creep up out of nowhere.
History almost repeated itself when, in April 2016, I was involved in a near-fatal car accident — similar to the one that had claimed my mother’s life. I recall doctors telling me that my face was fractured, a significant part of my dental anatomy damaged and my intestines exposed. When I woke up from my coma 21 days later at Garden City Hospital’s intensive care unit, I was told I’d been declared dead three times and that I’d never have a normal bowel movement nor bear children again. I needed to learn how to talk, walk and write all over again.
Following my ten-week stay in hospital, I was eager to return home to my nine-year-old daughter, Kamva, and supportive boyfriend (now fiancé), Mduduzi Mthembu. Upon seeing my post-trauma physical injuries, my daughter rejected me — which broke my heart. She literally ran away and said, ‘That’s not my mom. She didn’t leave home looking like that.’
Apart from relearning how to walk, I had a colostomy bag accompanying me at all times, a fractured face and no front teeth. This was certainly not a vision a child had of her mother whom she’d last seen jovial and vibrant three months earlier.
My fiancé, whom I’d only been with for two months prior to the accident, had to come to terms with my post-accident way of living. He never left my side and helped me in every way he could — even buying me colostomy bags and a new set of dentures, as my medical aid wouldn’t cover these. My friend, Phumzile Shezi, became a mother to my daughter while I recovered. During my recovery, I started reflecting on some of the negative choices I’d previously made. My daughter, young as she was, inspired me to be a better mother. When she finally accepted my condition, she’d often remind me to take my medication and assist with my colostomy bag – I drew strength from that. At that moment, I realised that not having a mother doesn’t mean that you can’t be a mother. With that said, my daughter’s love is the closest thing I know to a mother’s love.
Through my mental strength, my physique experienced a miracle that defied what science had ruled out as a possibility. Everything changed when I felt an urge I hadn’t felt in seven months since the car accident. I immediately rang my doctor when I suddenly needed to fart — I’d been told that I would never have natural bowel movement. My doctor, upon inspection, was shocked to see that my intestines had healed and regained normal function. She even asked me to introduce her to whichever Higher Power I’d been praying to, because she’d never witnessed such a miraculous recovery. I was booked into hospital to reverse my colostomy bag operation.
Five months ago, we were blessed with a bouncy baby girl, after medics said I’d never fall pregnant again. Secondtime motherhood is perfect — I embrace it with a hands-on spirit, levelheadedness and a sober mind.
They say you never know how strong a teabag is until it’s placed in hot water. Clichéd as it may sound, I may have been through a great deal of loss and pain, but I came out stronger and wiser. I hope that my journey can strengthen others and help them believe that they, too, are worthy of love and second chances. I hope that my story will also help you find your inner warrior, the next time hardships stare you in the face.
If we had things our way, we would all probably choose to lead troublefree lives. But, struggles are an essential part of our becoming. Struggles build our characters, deepen our tenacity, and help create opportunities where fresh positivity pierces through our dark thoughts.
I still yearn for my mother, and this makes Mother’s Day a bittersweet occasion for me. I sometimes cry on the day because I miss her a great deal. If I could ask God for one special favour, it would be to spend just one moment with my mom. And if that’s too tall an order to ask, I would ask for at least one memory of her.
Our lives may get turned inside out or upside down. We may lose our good minds from time to time, and feel as though the entire world is against us. But I have learned that, it is during those times that, you must trust your strength and spend as much time as you can with your child(ren). Not only do they deserve to have parents, but they need present and hands-on ones, at that. They deserve to have healthy memories of us too. Lastly, remember that it’s not over until God says so!”
If I could ask God for one special favour, it’d be to spend just one moment with my mom. And if that’s too tall an order, I’d ask for at least one memory.