Finance – Settling The Bill
The bubbly’s been flowing, and the mood merry... Until the waiter brings the bill!
It’s the end of a delectable dinner date with your girlfriends – whether it be a monthly tradition, or a long overdue catch-up – that was filled with great conversation, a chorus of laughter and popping sounds of champopo to add that much needed sparkle to the night. Then these words, “please find the bill”, sets off alarm bells. Frowns of concern follow — how will this bill be settled? Do we split it evenly or is it a situation of ‘each to her own’? What is the decent thing to do, considering our varying financial muscles as girlfriends, the tight financial climate affecting us all in different ways, and, most importantly, the tension that money can create between friends?
A FRIENDSHIP TRANSACTION
Money does tend to create tension between friends because it’s never an easy or comfortable topic to broach, says Amanda John, a money coach and coauthor of Financial Fitness to Financial Freedom Daily Journal. However, John says this shouldn’t be the case if we all took it upon ourselves to be honest about our personal financial situations. “Fact is, people already have tension with money as individuals – with many living in debt and over-stretching their financial pool to keep up with their friends. So, when the bill arrives, those who feel the most money tension will often find it more difficult to pay, bullying others into splitting the bill equally, yet they are the ones who consumed the most – cost wise.” She adds that we need to remember that money has a character of its own. If it can make or break a person, then it can certainly make or break friendships.
Clinical psychologist Lungile Gama Lechesa says that for most people, money is often used as a measure of success, thus being a friend that always needs financial assistance can be associated with inferiority – leaving one feeling less than their peers and a burden within the circle. “As black people, we come from a place that’s termed ‘previously disadvantaged’. And, it’s unfortunate that today we feel that our success should be measured by how much money we have, which leads us to being obsessed with showing off materialistically, even when we cannot afford certain lifestyles. Ultimately, this creates underlying power dynamics that can play out between friends who have and those who don’t,” she explains.
SETTLING THE BILL
It goes without saying that the tedious process of dividing the bill is enough to cause one a ‘splitting headache’. Where do you start? With the starters and then work your way down to the dessert? Item by item, boldly ticking off what each person ate and drank? And, what about the tip – who should take up this generous task? “If you know that you cannot afford to split the bill equally or that going this ‘diplomatic’ route will land you in a position where you
end up paying more than your plate – speak up. Because, chances are what you ordered was based on your budget,” recommends Lechesa. John further explains that there’s no one-size-fitsall option, and advises that each person takes care of their own portion of the bill – unless it was clearly communicated upfront that a specific individual will be covering this for everyone. “Individually swiping for the bill or swopping change between each other until the dinner cost is settled should never be deemed as an embarrassment. This is how societal expectations such as it not being ‘cool’ for each person to whip out their plastic to pay are built – leading to one individual eventually being bullied to cover everything and then never receiving those money transfers and EFT refunds,” she says.
BREAK THE SILENCE
Opting out of the equal split option can sometimes be met with hostility as it seems there’s this unspoken agreement — of always dividing the bill equally — that exists. But how can you excuse yourself from this clause without making the rest of the party feel tense? “Friends generally do have an unspoken code for many things, including handling of bills when out,” explains John. “This, in most cases, comes with you understanding each other as friends – who the bully is, the one who’ll never refund, and knowing your own financial limits. Having open conversations in your friendship is critical so that you’re able to comfortably insist on paying your own portion,” she continues.
And when one finds themselves in a less fortunate financial position as their friends’ at a certain moment in their journey, how should they handle the bill scenario? “By trying to at least pay for their own small portion, to avoid being perceived as that ‘friend’ who always takes but never makes an effort. Nobody wants to be labelled as ‘the one who never pays but always expects others to cover for them’,” Lechesa explains. “If you know you won’t be able to split the bill, or even worse, contribute in anyway, then don’t book your seat at that dinner table – unless your friends indicate that they will sort you out.” It should never be hard to tell friends that ‘it’s tight’ in the money department, John says, hence her emphasis on the importance of building solid relationships based on open communication. “Friends should respect each others’ budgets.”