Spirit – Pastor Pushie
In this monologue series, Pastor Pushie Watson goes back in time to remember moments with her father
Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. - Exodus 20:12
7 JANUARY 1980
Yours is the first face I saw when I came into the world. At first, I was scared. It was so cold and bright. But then I heard your voice. I remembered it immediately — warm, deep and comforting. I didn’t expect you to be so big. My whole body fits into your two hands.
7 JANUARY 1987
I love my new bike. Thank you so much. I wasn’t certain if I’d be able to ride it, but I knew you’d teach me. I’m enjoying it now. Daddy, you’re my Superman. I’m not afraid of anything. I know I have the strongest dad in the whole world.
7 JANUARY 1990
Can you believe it? I’m 10 years old today. This is the best day ever. My party is perfect. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. But I know none of it would’ve been possible if you didn’t work so hard to pay for all of this. I love you, daddy!
4 OCTOBER 1995
Daddy, why is mommy crying? Why were you fighting? Please come back. I promise I’ll be a better child. I left your favourite piece of chicken for you. No one’s going to eat it. I even left some custard and jelly – I know it’s your favourite.
6 OCTOBER 1995
Yay, my daddy’s home! He was just on a business trip. I’m so happy to see him. Today, I’m going to school feeling like I can accomplish anything. I can’t wait for school to end so I can hear all about my dad’s trip. I know he brought me something.
MARCH 2000
I can’t remember when last I saw him. I’m dating now, and don’t know what to look for in a guy. Is there such a thing as Prince Charming? I met someone that reminded me of you, daddy. He’s handsome, kind, and tall. I wish I could talk to you about him.
MAY 2001
It’s my graduation today. I can’t believe I finally did it. So many times, your words stuck with me when I was tempted to quit. I could hear you saying to my six-year-old self, “You can do it princess. You can do anything you put your mind to.” So even though you are not here in person, know that you’re an integral part of me getting here.
AUGUST 2009
Tomorrow I’m getting married to the man of my dreams. Oh, daddy, you should see him. You’d love him!
SEPTEMBER 2015
We recently celebrated our 6th anniversary. Marriage is much harder than I thought. I see things a lot differently now. But I still don’t know how you could walk away and never look back. You don’t even know what your grandkids look like. How do you sleep at night knowing you left us? You haven’t paid anything towards our upbringing. Mommy did it all by herself. I don’t care if my children never see you in their life.
FEBRUARY 2016
My husband walked out of our home today. I’m shattered. I don’t know where to turn. I didn’t see this coming. It feels like I’m reliving your departure all over again. All the pain I thought I’d buried, comes flooding into my life. I just don’t know how I’m going to be a strong and supportive mother to my children when I’m so broken.
MARCH 2016
Today I became Born-Again. My best friend invited me to church. It was as if the pastor was speaking directly to me, like he knew exactly what I was going through. I have hope that I am not alone. God knows everything. He sees and He hears everything.
MAY 2016
My husband came back home. We’ve started going to church together. We’re receiving regular counselling and he’s willing to fight for his family. I knew we were winning when we started reading the Bible and praying together.
TO MY DAD
A person can only love others to the level of how they love themselves. I know you never had a father growing up, and did the best you could to be one to me. I want you to know that I’m changing the narrative of emotionally void men, and raising a loving son who’s unafraid to be vulnerable and show affection. Little boys do cry, and they should. Always, Your Princess