Health – Prostate Exam

With prostate cancer worryingly prevalent amongst black males, here’s why your partner may be reluctant to get tested, and how you can help coax him to the doctor

When Thulani Sibisi won the Two Oceans Marathon in 1986, he recorded the best run of his life. The following year, he took second place. An illustrious career lay ahead of him as an award-winning runner. But as the medals piled up, they gave little indication that he was yet to face the biggest and most important race of his life. Diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2012, Sibisi was already at stage 3 of the disease when he found out. He’d collapsed on his way to work and then tried to rest at home. But even in the comfort of his home, his health was poor. Finally, Sibisi sought medical assistance. A rectal exam gave the doctor cause for concern, so blood tests were taken. They confirmed that a common worst nightmare for men, had become Sibisi’s reality.

A FEAR COME TRUE

In a video interview with Andrew Oberholzer, CEO of the Prostate Cancer Foundation of South Africa, Sibisi recalled his response to getting the news. He’d heard of prostate cancer before, but the personal diagnosis was terrifying. “You never think you will be one of the victims. It was devastating. My mind shut down completely.”

He underwent treatment, which involved surgery to remove both his testicles. The next couple of years were dominated by cancer, but having gotten medical intervention before it was too late, Sibisi has been able to rebuild his life and, specifically, return to his beloved road running. Age and being a cancer survivor mean he’s not clocking the best times of his career. But even though there’s a 3-hour difference between his winning time of 3:09 in 1986 and the 6:04 he recorded at the 2018 Two Oceans race, he still feels like a winner, because he’s survived and gone on to thrive and still run after cancer.

Sibisi’s story is remarkable, but it need not be rare. Too many men take chances with their health, seemingly preferring the bliss of ignorance rather than confirmation of health or sickness.

If your man is reluctant to get his prostate gland tested, it’s not just the possibility of cancer that he fears. Other deeper psychological fears are at play.

BEHIND THE STORY

“I don’t think that it’s biologically determined that men will seek less help than women,” says Professor Glenn Good, from the University of Missouri’s Counselling Psychology department, who studies men and masculinity.

In a study for the American Psychological Association, he explained that parenting and society teach men what’s acceptable and not. “So if that’s true, then it must mean that it’s socialisation and upbringing: men learn to seek less help.”

Men’s reluctance to get medical help is another appearance of toxic masculinity. If he’s got a runny nose, you can joke about how you might take the day off work to stay at home and look after him. This is likely because he’s sick in a way that he can handle, and one likely to get him sympathy and extra cuddles.

But try to convince him to go check out why his semen has blood, and suddenly you need to stay out of matters relating to his health. Studies reveal that reasons for this reluctance include a desire to

always be the Alpha male who is strong, in control and never weak or fearful.

He may be feeling frightened, but don’t expect your man to confess this straight up. He’s likely to give excuses that are more practical than emotional. A study run by Orlando Health found that the top excuse men make to avoid scheduling annual appointments with their primary care physician, is that they are too busy. The second most common excuse is that they’re afraid of finding out something might be wrong with them. And then, men also say that they’re uncomfortable with certain body exams, such as prostate checks.

TAKING CARE

Women may share these exact same concerns and feel some reluctance, but they’re way more likely to get medical assistance. “One of the biggest reasons for those statistics, is that women are much more proactive about their health than men,” says men’s health activist and study contributor, Dr Jamin Brahmbhatt. “We often use the analogy that our bodies are a lot like our cars. Men will take the time to do preventative maintenance on their cars, like getting tune ups and oil changes, but for whatever reason, we often don’t take the same care of our bodies. We need to change that mindset.” While men do need to take individual agency of their lives and health, having the support of the women in their lives is paramount.

Ronnie Nkabinde is a prostate cancer survivor and runs Cansurvive Cancer Support Groups in Gauteng. He says it’s important for women to encourage their partners. “This could be achieved by talking about the high number of males who are dying of cancer and who could have been saved had they gone for check-ups.” In addition, Nkabinde says loving assurance is also helpful. “Let your partner know that you will always be there to take care of him; in case the test is positive. When there’s positive persuasion there will be positive results.”