Sex – Men Dish Out Sex Tips
Women are usually not shy to express their sexual expectations or dislikes in bed. Men? Not so much. So, we asked a few guys to share what rubs them up the wrong way before, during and after sex. Prepare to cringe, pick up your jaw from the floor and then chuckle!
*Aobakwe Tlaka, 37, Communications Head Before: I personally don’t like it when a woman launches into a monologue about parts of their bodies that they hate during foreplay. It makes me pay attention to the very flaws that I’d been oblivious to!
During: Too many instructions kill the moment, and take away the spontaneity of sex. The “do this, do that” turns what’s meant to be fun into a tedious chore. Women also need to stop worrying about queefing (vaginal farts), we absolutely love them! It’s okay to scream, in fact, it’s encouraged — but there’s a limit too. Those exaggerated porn star screams are a no-no in my books [chuckles].
After: Please don’t reach for your phone and start scrolling through social media. It sends out such negative vibes about what you’ve just experienced. And please don’t compare today’s performance with previous ones. Resist the urge to say things like: “You came quickly today!”
*Thabo Rammopa, 34, Air Traffic Controller Before: Fondling the penis, with long nails, early in the morning while my dude is still flaccid, is painful, and not cool at all. I also don’t like it when a woman’s had a long day outdoors and then initiates sex before showering.
During: Some women can ruin the entire sexual experience based on just the tongue. Please don’t stuff your tongue down my throat. And no excessive saliva either. Don’t take the lead if you’re not entirely confident about your kissing skills — rather let me guide you. Also, don’t attempt a BJ if you aren’t certain of your capabilities. Grating the penis with your teeth is very painful. Don’t just lie there like a ball of cabbage — some women will dodge coming on top using very slick methods (but, we see you!). Don’t pull my head back up when I attempt going down on you just because you failed to prepare for the possibility thereof. No tissue residues anywhere on your privates, please [chuckles].
After: Please don’t ask, “What’s happening between us?”, and no “thank yous” either [chuckles].
*Ratanang Leballo, 42, Full-time MBA Student Before: Commenting on the penis size while undressing me is not on. The same goes for pointing out your body imperfections before sex — I’m not here for that. However, things like halitosis and any body odour should be sorted out before the deed. During: Unless we’re married or in a serious relationship, please don’t utter the words, “I love you” during sex — it complicates things. In general, confusing good sex for love could land anyone in dire situations. If you are going to sit on my face during oral sex, please bear in mind that I could be claustrophobic. Allow me room to manoeuvre my tongue and lips underneath. Also, if you’re not going to talk dirty, save all other talk for afterwards [chuckles].
After: I get that you may want to chat up a storm, but please don’t keep me from enjoying my sleep after coming [dodges bullets]!
*Kgomotso Meso, 38, Entrepreneur
Before: Don’t rock up in your granny’s unflattering panties. And make sure there are no holes in them as those make things awkward. No ‘onderrok’ (petticoat) in 2019 as well. Don’t criticise me too much on anything before sex if you want a stellar performance.
During: Please don’t expect me to undress myself — sex is a two-way street, and also don’t mention anything that could remind me of my mother during sex. I once fingered a girl and she went, “ungenzani manje?” If I’m doing something you may be unfamiliar with, just go with the flow. Careful when handling the penis — don’t twist and bend it, especially when on top. Unless experienced in giving pain-free love bites, let’s rather leave that practice to vampires.
After: Don’t expect to cuddle the entire night – it hurts the one arm that’s cushioning your head [chuckles].
*Tumelo Phiniti, 35, Sales Director
Before: I don’t like it when a woman tells me what to do, verbally. I like it when the request is subtle and in her body movement — a wise man will read and respond accordingly. Please don’t succumb to the pressure to promise me fireworks in bed, or ask about my best sexual experience as if to establish a benchmark and create the impression that yours will be ten times better. I find it a tad childish and unnecessary [chuckles]. During: Don’t shy away from taking charge and totally owning the moment. There’s nothing as sexier as a woman who throws caution to the wind during sex and doesn’t obsess about how she looks naked — because, quite frankly, we are not there to scrutinise your dimples or stretch marks. We are there because we want all of you — flaws and all. The sooner you embrace your flaws, the sooner we’ll create magic in bed!
After: Don’t compare sexual experiences or even bring up your ex’s name in our post-sex banter. Don’t be overly critical or be quick to put your clothes back on. Aaaaaaaaahhhhh, you shouldn’t overstay your welcome either!
*Not their real names