Sex – Exploring Anal Play
Talk of anal sex is likely to evoke a curious laugh from those who haven’t tried it or a reassured, ‘it’s not as hectic’ from those who have. Either way, here’s what you need to know...
When it comes to ‘back-door’ sex more women, believe it or not, are warming up to it — this, according to a study by the Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.
Like 28-year-old Mapaseka Tau* from Benoni, who secretly enjoys anal sex more than vaginal copulation, especially when there’s clitoral stimulation during intercourse. “I’ve always been open to exploring because I started watching porn in my early 20s, and wanted to re-enact the positions I saw in these movies. When my ex-boyfriend suggested anal sex, I agreed. The first time wasn’t great but neither was it painful,” she confides.
According to a 2017 study published in Men’s Health, nearly 43 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported having anal sex with the opposite sex in their lifetime. Once a taboo subject, women are now having a wild time between the sheets.
Mapaseka continues, “Ndumiso* knew what he was doing. He went down on me until I came and after that, he circled my anus with his tongue. He then gently inserted one of his fingers in my booty hole until I felt dry. Then he wet my behind with a lot of lube and spooned me. He didn’t go in fully the first time, he gently penetrated me while caressing my clit and vagina. With time I had the most intense orgasms from anal sex that I can’t even describe,” she adds.
Admittedly, anal sex is not for everyone but neither is Pilates or yoga. Using the ‘back door’ does need a lot of mental and physical preparation, though, and being on the same page as your partner. There may be a number of reasons why some women have written off anal sex. According to Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng, a medical doctor and author of A Guide To Sexual
Health & Pleasure, one reason is that most people explore anal sex before doing some research– resulting in an uncomfortable first attempt. “Then it’s difficult to get someone to relax, enjoy and to break some of the taboos surrounding anal play,” she explains.
TO BRAVE IT OR NOT
Most men seem to have an undeniable infatuation with anal sex. Joburg-based sexologist from Soulful Sex, Linda L Venter, says men are known to be curious risk-takers and eager to try something new. According to PornHub, from 2009 to 2015 the search volume for anal sex videos rose to 78% globally.
Whatever the reason for this surge in searches, most people cite being put off by hygiene concerns. Dr Mofokeng shares, “Most people are concerned about germs. You should be fine with regular grooming, washing and cleaning of the area around the anus. Use your finger to clean out the lower end of the rectum while showering — the perineum is no dirtier than any other part of your body.” She also recommends a diet high in fibre if anal sex is a regular indulgence for you.
AN EXHILARATING RIDE?
Sexual empowerment is not about trying everything on the menu but the freedom to explore your own sexual preferences.
Dr Mofokeng says that visual learning is key. This means using a mirror and your finger to explore what the tension around your anus feels like when someone else touches it. “Solo anal play is encouraged before including a partner. As you inhale, tense the muscles around the anus and when you exhale, relax the muscles. As you exhale and release the tension, take your finger and slide it into your anus, to see what it feels like. There shouldn’t be pain — just a little pressure, as pain would mean that you’re pushing too hard and too far. Also, practise breathing exercises with deep inhalations and exhalations prior to exploring anal play with a partner,” she advises.
According to Dr Mofokeng, a lot of men also enjoy anal play, and getting penetrated by their lover, who is a woman, is a turn-on. “The more open-minded people are, the more they can bring their fantasies to life,” she adds.
*Not their real names