Spirit – Pastor Pushie

Pastor Pushie explains the link between family love, self-love, affectionate and romantic love

At the end of it, we all just want to be loved. And whether we want to admit it or not, everyone wants to be in love. We want someone to love us, and we want someone to love.

Love gives us strength and joy. Love makes us feel invincible. I once overheard someone say that loving one person truly and wholly is the equivalent of loving the entire world. People act differently when they are in love — they’re kinder, more compassionate, forgiving and optimistic. The whole world looks pretty through the eyes of love. A hateful person is bitter, critical and cynical. They have a problem for every solution. But a person in love is positive, peaceful and pleasant. This is because we were created to love. The Bible says, ‘God is love.’ Not that He has love, but that He is love itself. And if we were created in the image of God, then

it means that the desire to love exists in all of us. This is why the anointing is so attractive; because that love permeates through the person.

Of course there are different kinds of love. There’s Philia, affectionate love. Storge, familiar love. Eros, romantic love. Pragma, enduring love. Ludus, playful love. Mania, obsessive love. Philautia, self love. And Agape, unconditional God-kind of love. This means that we’re able to love different people in different ways. So the storge love that you have for family is different from the eros love you have for a spouse. But no matter the type of love, it makes you feel special, wanted, appreciated and safe.

So why then do we struggle so much when it comes to love? Why do people battle to give or receive love? Why does it seem like true love is so hard to come by? I believe it starts very early on. Sometimes as early as conception. Was the baby wanted? Did the person grow up in a loving environment? Do they have a beautiful concept of love? Because, depending on their early introduction to love in their formative years, their attitude towards love will be either positively or negatively impacted.

I thank God that I grew up in a loving home. My parents were married for 49 years and friends for 61 years until my mom passed away. I had two sisters, one brother, and lots of cousins. We were always surrounded by family. So much so that one wouldn’t know which side of the family a relative was from whenever we all came together. I am beginning to understand that although things weren’t always perfect, the love that we had for each other created within me a strong sense of belonging, comfort and security. It made me confident to go out into the world, win at life and face any challenge that came my way. Knowing that there were always people who love and support me unconditionally, gave me the confidence to embrace life authentically and unapologetically. I’m not mentioning this to boast, but rather to bring clarity. I understand that not everyone grew up in a loving home, but a bad start does not have to mean a bad finish. If you didn’t come from a loving family, then let a loving family come from you.

You might be wondering what this has to do with Valentine’s? Everything. Because I believe that it is this family love, that produces the selflove, that results in the affectionate and romantic love. It is when we are loved that we are able to love back. It’s when we are full that we can pour into others. And the problem is that too often we’re trying to drink from empty wells. We’re looking for love from people who don’t have it to give. We think that if we continue to empty ourselves into them then somehow they will be able to love us back. But in the end we simply end up drained and broken hearted. You will never feel fulfilled until you stop looking for love from people who don’t even love themselves. Until we repair families and broken homes, we will continue producing broken children who turn into empty adults, void of the ability to love. The Bible says, ‘Love your neighbour as you love yourself.’ Well how can you love me, if you don’t even like you? How can you love yourself if you believe your self-love is tied to someone who left?

I marvel that people would think they’re unworthy because one relationship failed. Never! Being divorced doesn’t make you incapable of loving or being loved again. Not everyone is your ex. If you are to find your next, you will have to stop seeing the whole world as your ex. It means that next time around, you have to join your heart to someone with a full heart who’s also looking for somewhere to pour into. Just imagine being loved by someone whose love language is aligned with yours. Well, somewhere out there, there’s someone praying for a partner like you, and God will bring you together. You don’t have to settle for less than love. You don’t have to accept a life void of affection. You are not a rehab center for someone who refuses to get well. God has someone special for you who is able to love you just like you need. Your job is to open up your heart to love like you’ve never been hurt before, allow God to mend every place of your pain, trust God to lead you to someone worthy of your heart, and then get ready to love again. I pray that God connects you to a true love. I pray that you find a love that is the expression of God’s heart towards you. May they look at you and see God in it all.

I love you. But more importantly, God loves you. Always, Pastor P

Until we repair families and broken homes, we will continue producing broken children who turn into empty adults, void of the ability to love. The Bible says, ‘Love your neighbour as you love yourself.’ Well how can you love me, if you don’t even like you?