True Story – Walking Away From Abuse

Ncebakazi Msasa, 30, shares how her career saved her from the throes of an abusive relationship

“I was born in Centane in the Eastern Cape, but we moved to Bloemfontein as a family when my father found a job there. From when I was seven, Bloem became a home to myself, two sisters, brother and our parents. My father provided for us and we were happy there. Unfortunately, he passed away in 2009 during my gap year in the Eastern Cape — I was living with my grandmother at the time. His passing changed everything for our family.

My mom tried her best to raise us alone. She pushed for me to get an education and I registered at Motheo TVET College to study electrical engineering in 2010. However, I fell pregnant with my daughter in my first year of study but continued with my studies until 2012. In 2012, my then-boyfriend and father of my daughter passed away and that was a bigger knock. I didn’t take it well; I’d look at my daughter and be reminded of him. It hurt so much to suffer another loss. I had to drop out of college and look for a job so I could provide for my daughter and family. My mom wasn’t working at the time and as the eldest, I felt I needed to make a plan.

I decided to move to Gauteng to find work. My mother wasn’t happy with my decision because she feared that I’d succumb to the pressures of the big city and end up a sex worker if I didn’t find a job. I had to reassure her that she’d raised me well and that I knew I had a home should things not work out.

In February 2015, I moved to Pretoria to stay with a friend while looking for a job. Luckily, in March, I found a job at a retail store as a security guard. I knew the money I earned wouldn’t be enough for myself and to send home. I later heard about a promotions company offering job opportunities and decided to sign up.

I went and registered, and would do in-store promotions for cosmetic brands on weekends, or when I was off work as a security guard. As a promoter, I had to wear make-up and look good. While working there, I met a lady who told me about a women’s empowerment programme run by AMAZI Beauty Academy. It taught women about beauty treatments and helped with job placements. This was exciting news and seemed like something I could easily do and thrive in. I went to the AMAZI Beauty Academy, on their next open day in November 2016. I went through the interview process and met their COO Lisa Mgcotyelwa, who took a chance on me.

I was trying to find my feet and things were slowly starting to improve. I then met a guy who I thought loved me. It was all good until he started complaining about how I’m never there for him because I’m always working. He couldn’t understand my struggle and things soon turned physical. It wasn’t just the emotional abuse and him making me feel worthless, he would hit me. I was strong and would hit back but things soon got ugly. He was not only abusive, but a liar and a cheater too. I later found out that he was even married. Everything that could go wrong went wrong in that relationship.

I didn’t want someone who wasn’t faithful — and to top it all off, he would make me feel like I was the problem. It didn’t feel like love, so I found the strength to leave. He could not accept that I’d broken up with him and, ince again, he beat me up. I opened a case against him and he was arrested. That was luckily the end for us.

Fortunately, during the training programme at the academy, we were also offered counselling. It helped me get to know who I was, get over my loss, and be a better person. I dealt with demons I didn’t even know were haunting me, like the death of my father, and the father of my chid. I was able to let go and also saw that my ex wasn’t the right man for me. I’m glad I didn’t stay and become a statistic or contract HIV.

I started my course at the academy in January 2017 and unfortunately, I had to resign from my job at the retail store and study full-time. This was hard because I still had to support myself and my family. I moved to Joburg to be closer to school and rented a room in Soweto. The in-store promotions kept me going as well as knowing that I’d have a certificate and a steady job at the end. I had to make sacrifices like deciding whether to visit home every now and then, or rather send money for groceries and utilities.

All the sacrifices were worth it. When I graduated in December, the academy allowed us to bring our families to enjoy beauty treatments and see what we had achieved. I had never seen my mother so happy. She finally saw the fruits of my labour and understood what I was doing all along. It was such a moment of pride for her.

I started out as a nail technician and I’m now working as a quality controller. Since joining AMAZI Beauty Academy in 2017, I can safely say that we are now in a good place as a family. I moved to Cape Town in 2018 and my sisters — who are currently busy with their tertiary studies — live with me. I love that I can offer them a brighter future.

I have found my path and have an amazing boyfriend who treasures me. It took me a while to be brave and let someone love me after my toxic relationship, but I don’t settle for less anymore. I am teaching my daughter to be bold and I’m proud of the fact that I have finally built a decent life for us.”