WHAT TO CONSIDER

We didn’t even plan it, it just happened naturally,” Thulie mentions.

“We very quickly introduce the set up to people that come into our lives. That helps because we’re trying to have a wholesome experience for the kids. Even our extended families know about our arrangement,” Thando says.

The benefits include: having a support system; the convenience; and knowing and trusting the person you co-parent with. “It’s also cost-effective,” Thulie adds. “Before co-parenting with Thando, I used to take my daughter to my extended family in Soweto every weekend when I had to work. The money for petrol, my daughter’s food and snacks, and the cash I had to leave behind for my family as a form of black tax, was a lot.”

According to counselling psychologist, Nkateko Ndala-Magoro, amongst things to consider, is outlining clear terms and expectations of the co-parenting arrangement. “This includes the duration of the children at the other parent’s place, where the children are to be taken to for visits or entertainment, and the kind of discipline you all agree on. The list must be as detailed as possible to avoid any misunderstandings in the different parenting styles,” NdalaMagoro says.

If you’re an overprotective mom who has a hard time letting others take care of your child, Ndala-Magoro suggests this may be an indication, “of a parent who has not dealt with a particular trauma and is in a way projecting it through their parenting by being overly anxious.”

Naadiya Shaik Omar is a Johannesburg-based psychotherapist (www.elumino.co.za) focusing on parenting and expressive arts as a means to better communicate, solve problems and function best in daily life.

“What’s most important is focusing on the needs of the child and being able to step back and identify which needs actually belong to the parent,” she says.

“What happens down the line if or when one partner enters into a romantic relationship? How will this affect the children? It’s important at every step of