Spirit – Pastor Pushie

When pain threatens to take the place of purpose in your life, fight back by making the decision to live again, says Pastor Pushie

David had a son with Bathsheba, who was very ill and about to die. He desperately pleaded with the Lord to save the boy. David wouldn’t eat or sleep; he just lay on the floor in utter despair.

Have you ever had a problem that completely stole the joy of living right out of you? There are some situations in life that will knock you down to the ground, and leave you unable to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. Some losses do make you feel that you can’t go on living. And, the loss of a child is something that no parent should ever

have to go through. Here, we see a father, a man of God, a soldier who the Lord called ‘a man after my own heart’, pleading with God to save his son, but he dies anyway. How do you forgive God when something so tragic happens? How do you move on when the one you gave life to, dies? How do you find the strength to go on living when life has done you so bad?

I remember my Bible school teacher telling us the painful tale of how his beloved son died. He was hurt, lost and broken. As a pastor, he battled with how God, who is sovereign, could have allowed this tragedy to happen. It shook him and his wife to the core. In agony, he cried out, ‘Lord, where were you?’ And the Lord said, ‘In the same place I was when my son died.’

We will never understand why some things happen. Life won’t always make sense. But, it is in times of pain and darkness that we have to trust God even when everything else doesn’t make sense.

I recently lost my mom. When I received the call to say she had died, and that I should pray, I knew it was over. This is the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced. I went through days of just feeling lost. I refused to speak to anyone – I even stopped taking calls and replying to messages. I simply wanted to be alone with the memory of my darling mother, who was everything to me. I didn’t know how I would carry on without her. How does a child live when the one who gave her life dies?

And here, the Bible says David cried, fasted, lay on the floor and pleaded with God, but his son still died. What do you do when pain takes the place of purpose?

Nearly three months after my mother’s death, I stood on the platform of our church on a Sunday morning, supposed to do the liturgy and usher the congregation into the presence of God. But, all I wanted to do was walk off and fall apart. I was flat, dazed and empty. I was living in the blur of mourning. Many people weren’t aware that I was in mourning, but I’m certain that they would not have faulted me for breaking down and leaving the stage. Instead, I told God that I had no strength. I didn’t feel the need to encourage people while I was drowning in a pool of discouragement. I said to myself, ‘When desire runs out, this is where discipline has to take over. I’ve come too far to fall apart now.’ There was a time when I dreamt of being on that stage. But, there I was, letting depression rob me of my destiny. ‘But Lord, I’m too weak,’ I retorted. ‘My strength is made perfect in weakness. When you are weak, then I am strong.’ ‘Lord, I am depressed,’ I said. ‘The joy of the Lord is your strength,’ He answered. I kept repeating those words to myself, over and over again. As I gathered my thoughts to speak while the worship team was still singing, I looked over to the leader, whose father was battling a serious illness in which he had lost both legs. He was singing hymns unto God and praising with such vigour. I also thought of a gospel musician friend who lost his mother some years back. He still went on to record worship hits unto God.

And, suddenly it dawned on me that my praise could not become conditional to my pain. I could not afford to only worship God when my feelings fuelled my faith. It dawned on me to ask, ‘If I only praised God when everything was great, then how strong was my faith?’ And just like that, my perspective changed. I didn’t stop missing my mom; I just started living again.

The Bible says after his son died, David got up, washed himself, put on some lotion, changed his clothes and went to eat. He went to his wife, and made love to her again. God blessed them with a beautiful boy named Solomon, who went on to become the king of Israel and one of the wisest men to ever live.

Is there life after loss? Of course there is. David made the decision to live again. This doesn’t mean it will be easy; it just means that you can carry on. The ones we lose will never come back to us, but we will go to them. Jesus said, ‘It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Comforter will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you, and He will guide you into all truth.’

I can only imagine what the Father felt when He gave His only Son to die on the cross for us, that anyone who believed in Him will not die, but have eternal life. Jesus died and rose again. And, the same resurrection power that raised Christ from the dead, lives in you. No matter what has died in your life, you too can live again.

Happy Easter. With love, Pastor P Instagram: @_pushie

Suddenly, it dawned on me that my praise could not become conditional to my pain. I could not afford to only worship God when my feelings fuelled my faith. It dawned on me to ask, ‘If I only praised God when everything was great, then how strong was my faith?’