Finance – Money After Divorce

Not all marriages end up being the stereotypical fairy tale we know and love. According to Statistics South Africa, four out of 10 marriages end in divorce before the 10th anniversary. A divorce is a hard process to go through, especially because everything happens all at once. In addition to the end of a romantic relationship, you also have to cope with a lot of things – changed living arrangements, new family dynamics, possible loss of friendship with your ex, reactions from both families and managing future expectations. Having to deal with financial issues, too, can feel overwhelming. However, a calm head will ensure that you achieve a long-term recovery on your finances.

According to Charlene May, relationship rights attorney at the Women’s Legal Centre, it is important to understand the implications of matrimonial property regimes before tying the knot.

“You can protect your financial interest by obtaining legal advice prior to marriage to ensure that you understand your legal position before, as well as at the end of the marriage through either death or divorce.” May acknowledges that this is not always easy because of the effects of patriarchy. “This imbalance in romantic relationships can have practical implications for women’s financial well-being after marriage. It is often not easy to have these difficult conversations for fear of being labelled as gold diggers or unromantic. But, realistically making sound financial decisions at the onset makes it easier for couples to deal with their financial interest when they divorce.”

One of the first steps that May advises when dealing with new financial circumstances is to obtain legal representation in advance, so that you know your rights before taking the next step. “Specific laws speak to interim maintenance that you can claim during the divorce proceedings. This ensures that a spouse is cared for financially for a period of time before they can look after themselves. These are applicable during the proceedings that can sometimes be long and complicated.”

MAKE MONEY MATTERS A FAMILY AFFAIR

No matter the reasons for divorce, you want what is best for your kids. For this reason, you will sometimes try to shield them from the reality of a reduced income. According to Gugu Sidaki, wealth manager and author of children’s financial literacy books, being upfront about your new reality lays a good foundation.

The more honest you are, the more reasonable and less demanding your kids become as they have context about your financial abilities. Explain how the divorce impacts on your budget, and make it clear that they might have to do without a few things. Sidaki emphasises how talking to your kids about money will empower them to make better decisions later in life, too. “Talk to them about the future and its financial requirements. Teach them to never spend more than they have, which will allow them to save. You can do this by buying them

money boxes that they can use to save,” she says.

As a woman, most times, you end up as the primary caregiver for your kids. So, you need to work particularly harder at securing your financial futures.

INVOLVE THE EXPERTS

Dealing with legal and money affairs might be overwhelming if you’re not accustomed to doing so regularly, which is why you need professionals to help you. Feziwe Mntambo, wealth manager at Inkunzi Wealth Group, emphasises that you get advice from a financial professional. “A professional will be objective, and help you through your particular situation with the most effective and beneficial advice and strategies.” Mntambo adds that after the divorce, the most important steps include taking inventory of your new financial standing, balancing your budget, defining your priorities and setting up your accounts correctly.

THE SELF-DISCIPLINE YOU NEED TO PROSPER

After the divorce process has ended, prioritise your finances to ensure a full recovery. This may mean re-evaluating your career, assessing entrepreneurial opportunities available to you, re-examining your spending habits, establishing investments or savings, selling what you no longer need or even downsizing. Although this may seem like a straightforward process, the reality is that after divorce, your confidence and self-esteem can take a huge knock. Thembi Hama, life coach at Conscious Healing Centre, says while the support of a loving and caring family and friends does help, true empowerment comes from you accepting what’s done, letting go and changing what you can. “This is about starting over, with a sense of full responsibility for your life and finances going forward. This begins with drawing up a workable and practical plan for income, expenditure, savings and investments.”

In order for these changes to be sustainable, Hama advises that you be positively affirmed daily as part of taking care of your physical, spiritual, mental and emotional health. “When trying to create a new normal, it is important to give yourself a pat on the back and remind yourself that you are trying your best under challenging circumstances. Reward yourself with some treats here and there as a reminder to stay the course.”

After successfully rehabilitating your finances alone, Hama advises that you retain some financial independence and separate assets, even if you get married again. “This kind of autonomy will insulate you from any scenario that involves having to start from scratch again.”

So, while divorce means the end of a marriage, it should not spell a permanent step down where money is concerned. With the right assistance, a positive mindset and support, your finances can both recover and flourish after a divorce.